#i do not care if this is cringe i am having FUN okay LEAVE ME ALONE

[reignpage]

Lying To Himself

Content: in which toji is left alone and how he deals with your temporary absence

You have to leave for two weeks, something about a mission in another city. Your boyfriend, Toji, swears it'll be okay, even insists that time will pass by in a blink of an eye. 

“‘m not a fucking child, ma. I’ll be fine. Just take care, yeah?”

And so, you peck him on his lips and wave goodbye before you get in the car. Then you’re disappearing in the distance. Toji shrugs, going back in feeling pretty excited to have the house to himself for two weeks — this has never happened before. As he sits on the couch, bottle of beer in one hand and tv remote on the other, he thinks about all the things he can do now.

The toilet seat can stay up, the bins will be full for longer, same goes for the dirty dishes in the sink, and he can watch whatever he wants; no more of those sappy romcoms with predictable plots and cheesy lines. 

“’s gonna be fun,” he mutters, a growing grin on his face. 

A couple days pass in relative silence, he stays out late, sleeps till noon and eats all the junk you’ve banned from the house. Toji cooks all the steak he wants and leaves the beer bottles to collect dust on the coffee table. And he accepts every invitation from his buddies to go out for drinks, watch basketball at the bar, and plays a couple games too.

He stays up all night, on the evenings he's not getting stupid drunk, playing videogames -- the violent ones you cringe at. During the day, he walks around the place in just his boxers, sometimes not even that, and it's liberating. All a man needs is to be free to balls naked in their own kitchen.

"You're not missing her at all?" Shiu asks, smoke blowing in his face as they stand in the back alley, leaning against the wall of the bar.

Toji snorts. "What am I? Five years old? I can last a couple weeks without being sappy."

His friend gives him a look, half of amused, half disbelieving and a hundred percent smug. None of them miss the death grip he has on his phone, the way his knee is bouncing, and how he isn't even looking at the hot chicks that sway their asses as they walk by.

It’s been great. Really fucking great. 

You haven’t been texting much. Sure, you check in here and there, letting him know you’re alright, you’re safe, and makings sure he’s watered your plants. However, there are rarely any opportunities for phone calls longer than five minutes, no FaceTime either, and sometimes he goes to sleep without a ‘goodnight’ from you. 

It’s fine. 

At least, he can sleep at whatever time he wants without you whining about needing cuddles.

More days pass just like that. 

And now he’s rarely leaving the house, finding his drunk friends boring, obnoxious loud, and suddenly he's realised they’re kinda fucking stupid. He starts to get sick of all the steak and fried chicken and takeaway, and instead he’ll text you for the recipe of your lasagne or that smoothie you make him in the morning that’s always greener than the last. 

His feet tap on the floor when you don’t reply straight away. And when his phone lights up, he practically dives for it and grips it tight in his palm, screen threatening to crack, when it’s not from you. 

“God fucking dammit, Shiu. Don’t fucking talk to me if it’s not important.”

The movies he’s been dying to watch are pretty shit. There’s no depth, no proper pacing, and the dialogue’s cheesy as fuck. Usually, you’d throw popcorn at the screen and complain about all those things, but he finds that he has to mutter them to himself for white noise. Even smirks when he thinks he got it exactly right, guessing what you’d say. 

“She’d totally find that shit stupid. And that blood looks fake. It’s like they didn’t even try.”

Most of the phone calls on his history log are from him, more reds than greens. What the fuck have they got you doing over there anyways? 

When you do reply to his ‘g’night’ and ‘hey, sleep well?’, he’ll have a go at you for taking so damn long. It’s just fucking ridiculous that you’re clearly sleeping well when he has to hit the gym and tire himself out to even get an hour of shut eye. Sometimes, he can’t even get any and he just paces the length of the living room waiting for a notification from you to pop up. 

“Fucking come on! Y'r phone better be dead or something.”

Toji hates having dinner on the table; the seat opposite him is empty, the placemat bare and he feels a freaky fucking soreness in his chest. When that happens, he never finishes his dinner. Must be a symptom of early heart disease. Gotta talk to the doctors about that. 

Eventually, you find time to speak to him for an hour, recounting all the crazy things you’ve seen and had to do. He doesn’t interrupt, he just grunts here and there, not even really listening but he urges you to keep talking when there’s a pause, like you’re unsure if you’re talking too much. And when you try to turn the conversation on him, asking about his day, he gives one word answers and then throws you another question. 

“Yeah?” He grunts. “What else? Speak up, ma. Wanna hear ya. D’ya go to that shop? Yeah? Y’ buy anything? Send me a picture.”

The guys at work know better than to open their fat mouths around him when he turns up with an extra wrinkle and a ticking in his jaw. Toji is somehow even more sadistic and violent and eager for blood. Even finally accepts their invitation to go out for drinks and drowns himself in the extra strong shit. Assuming he just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, they don’t question his sour mood. 

But what they don’t know is that you texted to let him know you’re staying another week. 

Fucking texted. 

Didn’t even get to hear it from your own voice. 

He buries himself in more work and stays at the gym for even longer, pushing his body so far, his mind quiets down and he don’t gotta think about the fact that he’s started sleeping on your side of the bed, that the house is losing your scent, and that divot on the couch where you always sat has flattened out. 

The day comes, though, when you’re finally returning home. 

“Y’ sure? Not gonna flake again? Be fucking sure, ma. Alright, get back safe.”

Toji throws all the rubbish out, washes the dishes and dries them, double checks that the toilet seat is down, and he’s followed your recipe for beef stew to the letter — it’s cooking in the oven, and it looks fucking great. Even exfoliated in the shower like you’ve been asking him to, almost took off an entire layer of skin. He doesn’t want to admit he feels pretty fucking fresh. 

The door handle rattles. 

He sits up. And then stands. Walks over to the front door, arms crossing and then uncrossing. 

You’re here. 

“Hey, Toji—“

Your greeting is smothered in his chest as he threatens to suffocate you with the hardest bear hug in the whole world. And though he’d never hurt you, if you weren’t a sorcerer, you’d have been in big trouble. 

“Y’ hungry? Or y’ wanna shower first?”

His hands are all over you, lifting your chin to search your face for any scratches, even squishes your cheeks to be sure, and he’s patting you down for bruises or just to make sure all your limbs are intact. There’s a frown on his lips and it’s pretty darn cute. 

“Aw, Toji, baby. Did you miss me?”

“No.”

You roll your eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I know. You’re not a child, blah blah blah.”

Walking past him to take your shoes off, hang your coat and roll your suitcase to the side, you’re inhaling the air and moaning about the delicious food in the oven. Oh, God. You’ve been craving homemade food for so long now. You might actually die if you don’t eat. 

“Come here.” Your eyes dart to him, still standing by the doorway, fists clenching and unclenching. Toji looks furious. You look closer. No, he looks…embarrassed? “Said come here, ma.”

“Why?” You ask, head titling in curiosity and slight suspicion. 

He grunts. “What? I gotta spell it out for ya?”

Laughing, you tap your foot on the ground and retort back, “Yeah, you might because you need to have a good reason from keeping me from both a good shower and a warm meal.”

Toji rolls his eyes and stalks over to you, yanking you back to his chest so he can wrap his arms around you and keep you still. It’s much softer than before, but you feel the same sense of passion, something that verges on desperation.

It’s almost like…

No. 

It can’t be. 

Oh, but when you feel his face bury itself in your neck and you hear that long inhale, followed by a deep groan vibrating through his chest, you’re absolutely sure. 

Toji missed you. 

An overwhelming feeling of love fills you, so does a sense of victory, and you just hug him back, inhaling deeply too. He smells like home, like reluctant cuddles, pats on the ass, and early morning sex. You thought you’d have the most trouble in the two weeks, which turned into three, but as it turns out, he didn’t fare much better. 

Though he’d never admit it with his own mouth, his body betrays him.

Toji doesn’t let you get very far without a hand on you somehow, whether that’s a hand on your thigh as you eat dinner side by side, instead of across from each other, or you sitting on his lap as you watch the movie you want to watch. He even waits on the toilet lid as you shower, though that only lasts a couple minutes before he’s stripping and joining you. 

“Y’r not washing y’r hair right,” he tuts. 

Getting into bed is even worse because he’s practically lying on top of you the whole night, still sniffing your neck, and with his hands exploring your body. Not really in a sexual way, which is odd for him, but as if he just wants to feel you. He wants to feel your warmth, your softness, and reassure himself you’re home. 

Soon, he’s out cold and you mumble a goodnight against his forehead.

He wakes up feeling completely refreshed, like a newborn, stretching and grinning about getting ready with the day, and frowns when you’re still fast asleep. Part of him wants to make sure you’re getting your rest, but that part doesn’t win for very long and the much bigger part is shaking you awake.

“Come on, ma. Fucking bored here. Wake up, yeah? Let’s get some breakfast. Wanna talk to ya.” 

And when you do wake up, grumbling at how loud he’s being, he ignores the glares you’re giving and the swatting of his hands. Toji gives you a rare, wide, toothy smile and he says, 

“There’s my gorgeous girl. Good morning, baby.”

Yeah, this man totally missed you. 

[veggiefritterz]

Happy Pride Month

Queer Headcanon Masterpost Time I Guess !

UT/DR:

Plenty of thoughts here actually.

Frisk: bigender (they/she/he), aroace spec

Chara: demigirl (she/it), panromantic

Alphys: trans woman, lesbian (this is because i thought she was a man for an embarrassingly long time)

Undyne: lesbian (she/they)

Papyrus: aroace spec

Sans: demiboy (he/it)

Mettaton: agender (he/they/it)

Napstablook: ghostgender (they/it), asexual

Muffet: bisexual

Kris: agender (they/them), pan, aroace spec

Susie: bisexual

Noelle: trans woman, lesbian

Ralsei: nonbinary (he/they)

Berdly: aromantic spec

Lancer: cisgender (he/they)

Rouxls Kaard: aroace

Queen: agender (she/they/it)

Jevil: gay

Spamton: pansexual

DSAF:

Been here too long to have so few thoughts sorry about that

Jack: ghostgender (it/he), aromantic

Dave: aroace spec (he/it)

Steven: trans man (he/him), gay

Harry: trans man (he/they), gay

Jake: pangender (he/she/they), pansexual

Roger: does not know their gender, does not care (they/them), bisexual (also a whore)

Terrence: agender (they/them), aspec

Everett: cisgender (he/they), aspec

Dee: demigirl (she/they)

DIALTOWN:

I think I have a good amount of thoughts

Gingi: genderfuck (xe/xem)

Oliver: trans man (he/him), gay in such a weird and freaky way i love it

Randy: cisgender (he/they), pansexual in the "I'll take what I can get" sort of way

Karen: demigirl (she/they), lesbian

Curie: agender (they/them), lesbian

Tango: agender (they/them), aspec

Bigfoot: no concept of gender (any pronouns)

Mr. Dickens: gay

Norm: bisexual

Jerry: cisgender (he/they), bisexual

Shooty + Stabby: both any pronouns, both gay

ULTRAKILL:

I'm gonna be honest i don't know as much as I should but ah well I want to kiss Swordsy

Gabriel: do angels even have gender? (he/they), pansexual

V1: agender (they/it)

V2: girl...? (she/they)

Swordsmachine: doesn't know, doesn't care (they/he/it)

GARFIELD:

Sorry guys. I have hcs for the cats too

Jon: bisexual

Lyman: gay

Liz: demigirl (she/they)

Doc Boy: demiboy (he/they)

Nermal: pangender (any pronouns) (because it took me several years to figure out how nermal is referred to and i am still confused)

Arlene: trans woman-cat (she/they)

DDLC:

I... honestly didn't think i had hcs for this but it turns out I do, so!

Sayori: bisexual

Natsuki: trans woman, bisexual

Yuri: lesbian

Monika: agender (any pronouns w/ preference for she/her)

ONESHOT:

Niko: agender (he/they/she)

Cedric: demiboy (he/they)

Kelvin: agender (they/he)

Kip: bisexual

Silver: agender (they/she)

Plight: ??? (he/they)

Ling: trans man (he/him) (i thought he was a woman)

Rowbot: agender (they/he)

[fanaticsnail]

Oh snail, i know you already have a long list of WIPs (i can't wait to read them) and your Inbox is probably already full with requests, so i understand if its not in the cards right now.

I was just wondering what the kid-pirates would do, or how they would react if ther precious doc-reader is the one that was injured badly or was very sick. Especialy how Killer would react after that romantic tention between them (i need more of that 😩). I don't have a particular song in mind, because the seires already has a vibe to it, hope thats okay.

I wish you a wonderful day/night/evening! 💕Sooo looking forward to your next work, whatever it may be 🐢

I love you for this prompt, @daydreamer-in-training. Thank you!

Sit your ass down, would ya, Doc?

Hey Doc Masterlist here

Word Count: 2,000+

Synopsis: You've taken care of your crew and nursed them back to health from their flus... but now it's your turn. The Kid-Pirates do their best to take care of the worlds worst patient, their doctor: you.

Themes: platonic!kid-pirates, eustass kid x gn!reader, swearing, illness, comforting, taking medication, kid is a bit of a dom, doc is a bit of a bra, you're the kid-pirate doctor: the crew calls you 'doc'.

Notes: I am currently struggling with the flu myself, and this was simply too cute to not write about. Thank you for your ask, it's been fun to write about!

Tag List: @mfreedomstuff @daydreamer-in-training @sinning-23 @gingernut1314 @i-am-vita @indydonuts @feral-artistry @since-im-already-here @sordidmusings @nerium-lil

“Hey, Doc? Did we need any more petroleum jelly from the-...?” the fire breather called beside you, hating when you turned to face him, “...-Shit, Doc. You look like absolute balls today.” 

Rolling your swollen, glassy and red eyes at him, you draw another tissue from your counter and sneeze into it. The silky tissue felt like sandpaper over your leaky nose, the skin splitting surrounding your nostrils and leaving small stains of red on the pale paper.

“Always so full of compliments and kindness, Heat,” you huff out, your voice sounding hoarse and cracking along with every word. Heat cringed, recoiling away from you with eyes narrowed in sympathy. You attempt to breathe through your blocked nose, no air passing through the dual nostrils.

Treating the crew for the past two weeks, and nursing them to health in recovering from the flu, had finally caught up with you. You felt both cold and hot at the same time, your skin both dry and sticky with sweat. Mind swelling and cracking behind the tense throbbing throughout your brain caused a dull ache ringing in your ears and fogging your mind.

“I-... I’m just saying, Doc,” he reiterated in defense of himself, “You don’t look too good. Maybe you ought to sit out from the in-land trip to restock. Stay home on the Victoria Punk?” Heat suggested with a soft smile and a subtle shrug.

“What?” you grunted out a cough, “And leave you lot to restock my clinic for me? Not fucking like-...” coughing into another tissue, your glassy eyes pricked at the corners and began to spill out and down your cheeks, “...-likely.” 

Heat’s smile fled from his face, his lip downturning in sympathy. He shook his head and extended his hand out to you, gesturing you to follow him out through the door towards the deck. You attempt to sniff back another intake of air to reopen your nose to no avail. Following on, you trudge somberly towards the top deck where the crew were all waiting to step foot onto the pier. 

Without drawing attention to yourself, your eyes squinted lazily to compensate for the pain the sun caused your mind. With each achy step, you attempted to bite back the ache your body was going through. Barely aware of your surroundings, you gesture in the medicinal remedy booths at town square for herbs, ointments and aromatic fragrances. 

As you reached into your pocket to pull out your small folder of Berry, a large right forearm reached over your shoulder and paid the vendor before you could. Rolling your eyes, you turn to look at the scowling grimace of your captain, Eustass Kid, baring his rage down at you. Attempting to roll your eyes at him again, you clenched them tightly shut instead as the world became far too bright to process.

“Captain,” you acknowledge him with a clumsy nod, fighting the urge to not to fall over with the vertigo overcoming you. He growled at you immediately, gesturing to Wire beside him to gather the supplies and walk back to the ship. 

“You’re a real fuckin’ idiot, aren’t ya, Doc?” he spat, scolding you with his heavy growl. You laughed at him, shaking your swirling head and beginning to walk beside him. Your overexertion and sleep deprivation caught up with you as you tripped over an uneven divot in the rocky path.

“I'm not into degradation, Cap,” you respond in a half-joking hum, your eyes feeling heavy and weighted, “Not my kink. Might be yours, though, considering the amount of times I yell at you to hold you accountable.” That comment earnt you another low growl from your captain, his face turning a few shades darker than his hair. 

He turned to face you at his side, his lips curling as if to speak. As he opened his lips, he was lost for words as you fell into him, bracing yourself against him to steady your walk. He caught you in his right arm, bringing his face down towards you and brows knitting with concern. Turning towards Wire, he cocked his chin to the side to usher him on towards the ship. 

With no further warning, Kid dipped at the knees and hoisted you up into his chest beneath your thighs. He curled his bicep and hooked your head beneath his chin and cradled you firmly into him. Under usual circumstances, you would’ve fought this tooth and nail.

You do not enjoy being manhandled by the crew, especially by your captain. While you enjoy the embrace once in a while with your more sensitive crewmates, particularly Bubblegum, the Captain has only ever been this close to you when he’s sparring with you.

“C’mon Doc, I'll get you seen to,” he grunted down at your position curled into his chest, “I’ve-... And the-...” his words trailed off, the fever raising your temperature higher and prompting you to seek out sleep against his pectoral. 

Voices and words fade in and out of your ears, a slow drawl and murmurs of several of your crewmates swelling around your assumed resting spot for the day. The room wasn’t physically moving, even though your vertigo suggested it was. 

“When was the last time Doc’s had a day off?” you recognised the feminine voice of Quincy in the room beside you. Several grunts and incessant babbling reverberated around the room, prompting you to flutter your eyelashes open and push through the pain. 

“Doc!” you cringed as a body almost flew into your bed, sitting on the plush sheets beside you, “You’re awake! I’m so happy to see you’re up!” You wince, slowly waving Bubblegum away, swatting at his zig-zagged head.

“Off, off,” you shooed him, wincing as you shrugged your duvet off your thighs and swung your legs over the side of the bed. As you began to wobble to your feet, the booming voice of your captain called over the chatter of the room,

“Sit your ass down, would ya, Doc?” he growled, striding over in intentional steps and giving you a shove from his right hand in the middle of your chest, “The medics here said you need a week in bed to rest. Sit down.” You growled at him, doing your best to gather the strength to growl at him. 

“If I’ve been prescribed ‘rest’,” you began, gesturing to the crewmates surrounding your current room, “Why the fuck are you all here?” Several sheepish mutters surround the room, a few members pinching the scruffs of their necks, a few more wringing their hands in front of their waists. 

Your captain clapped his hand on your shoulder, pushing you to lay back down and wrangling you into your bedsheets. Refusing to go down without a fight this time, you wriggled in his grip and fought both the fever and the strong arm of your captain. 

“For fucks sake, Doc!” Kid yelled at you, pushing and shoving you down into the very comfortable and unfamiliar bed in front of the crew. “Just lay down and rest, damn it! Go back to sleep.” You wriggled harder. 

“No!” you yelled defiantly, kicking off the duvet and fighting each and every time your captain attempted to shove you into your bed. Kid looked around to the crew, angled his chin sharply to wordlessly order them to leave the room. As they left, Kid turned back towards you and crawled up onto the bed. 

“You are more of a pain in the ass than that fucking bullet to the buttcheek,” he growled, climbing over you and baring down his weight onto your smaller frame. Straddling your thighs, he placed his knees on your open palms and successfully pinned you beneath him. He pressed his forearm over your chest and gave you a firm shove to force you to lay down. You had no choice but to thump your head back into the plush pillow behind your head. 

Squeezing your eyes shut, you clench your jaw and growl behind your lips. The rumble in your throat hurt the raw swell in your jugular, but you pushed past it to air your frustrations at him regardless. The chuckle from your captain above you only served to propel your anger to rise higher. 

“Yeah, yeah. Growl and groan all you want,” he scoffed at you, pinning your chest with his bicep while reaching his hand between you and gathering the blankets in his fist. Slowly raising it up, he continued his place straddling your thighs until he thought you would no longer fight him. 

“Why are you doing this, Captain?” you snarl at him, finally opening your eyes to gaze up into his eyes. He smirked at you in response, pressing his palm to your forehead and clicking his tongue at the temperature. 

“Because,” he leaned over to the bedside, taking two small spherical tablets into his hand, “We love you, Doc.” He leaned back over you, gesturing with his chin for you to part your lips. You take a moment to snarl at him before complying, parting your lips and allowing him to place the bitter tablets on your tongue. 

He leaned back over to the bedside, finding a glass of water and bringing it down to your lips. Tilting the glass slowly as it brushed with your bottom lip, he carefully fed you a sip of water to take the pills with. Placing the glass back over on the table, he drew his attention to the small amount of water seeping from the corner of your lip.

“Now, be a good Doctor and get loved on, idiot,” he softly huffed, his voice low and husky as he leaned forward. He used the pad of his thumb to gently collect the spill of water from the corner of your lips. Your eyes never ceased its glare up at him. He grinned tauntingly down at you, arching his brow and ensuring you swallowed the tablets. 

“Get off, Captain,” you growled at him, bucking your hips up in an attempt to remove him from your body. He cackled his rumbled laugh down at you in response, shaking his head. 

“You gonna get up again if I do?” he asked, leaning down and caressing your cheek in a gentle stroke. His eyes held nothing but mischievous mockery, but his hand felt like it was gently coaxing you to comply with what he asked. 

“No, I’ll behave,” you snarled at him. His laugh was genuine this time, low and gentle. Slowly backing off you, he slid off your body before adjusting the sheets and smoothing them over. 

“Good,” he nodded, beginning to leave the room by the door off to the side of the room. Halting at the door, he fought with himself for a moment before looking at you over his shoulder and uttering, “I’ll-… I’ll get Kil to check on you in a few hours. Get some rest, okay?”

What he said next was something you weren’t expecting to come from his lips. In all the time you served with him, he only ever called you ‘Doc’, or ‘Doctor.’ You were your title, and you appreciated that about the crew. You were Doc, only ever Doc. But what he said changed all that.

After he uttered the word “okay,” it was immediately followed by your name. Waiting a few moments, you responded in a cadence just above a whisper. 

“I’ll be right where you left me, Kid,” you replied with a soft smile back at him. He closed his eyes, offering you a reflection of your smile in return before it grew back into its usual mischievous face. 

“Good,” he again offered you, scrunching his nose up at you and looking up through his red eyelashes at you, “Otherwise I would’ve gotten your doting daddy to come coddle his whiny baby.” Your eyes went wide, your jaw clenching and your eyebrows shot up to your hairline. 

Eustass Kid just laughed in response, exiting the room and giving you both the time and space you needed to recover. Your recovery was not only the flu, but of the second hand embarrassment that Killer must’ve relayed to Kid what he’d said to you in the consultation room. Either that, or you left the shell of your Den-Den accidentally activated from when you spoke with your captain earlier in the day.

Either way, you pouted as you did as you were told and huffed back into your bed and went to sleep: the paracetamol activating and stilling your swelling head and masking the undertones of pain in your body.

[rosepinks-world]

FUCK IT I LOVE YOU, I REALLY DO (cherry waves pt2)

summary: wade helps you patch things up with Logan via a party.

taglist: @justaleksss @fallout-girl219 @fandomsunited @midnights-afternoons

It had been at least a week since you’d last seen Logan.

You hated to say it but you’d been a wreck. The whole point of casual sex was that you wouldn’t get your heart broken and yet here you were with your heart broken. The fact you felt this way made you realise that you felt the same way about Logan. I mean if you were that bothered about not seeing him that had to mean something.

One weekend you were in a blanket cocoon on the sofa binge watching some shit reality tv when you heard a knock on your door.

Logan.

He was all that came to mind as you fixed your hair and outfit slightly. You excitedly whipped the door open to reveal:

“Oh. Hi Wade.” You said your smile leaving your face.

“Well fuck you!” He said inviting himself in dropping some flowers onto your counter. “I was chased by an old lady for picking those from her front garden so you better put them in the best vase you own.”

You laughed but returned to being a bit miserable.

“What are you doing here Wade?”

“I’m throwing a little get together and you’re invited! How fun is that?”

Really he came all this way to invite you to a party?

“Wade you have my number why didn’t you just text me.”

“Okay you’re really missing the point.”

You furrowed your eyebrows.

“Logan is doing my fucking head in.” He complained emphasising the ‘ing’. “He keeps moping around the apartment like he’s been told he can’t jerk off for the rest of his life and it’s got to stop.”

You rolled your eyes, “Wade he’s a prick I don’t want anything to do with him.”

He tilted his head pulling out a stool and sat at the counter.

“Okay you had argument apparently but I need more, tell daddy the drama.”

You cringed at the nickname. “Never say that again.”

“Noted. Now carry on!”

You huffed slightly annoyed and embarrassed about explaining what Logan had said to you.

“We were gonna have sex like usual. He ate me out…”

“Yum.” Wade said interrupting.

You gave him a look and he quickly apologised holding his hands to his mouth.

“When I … finished I hit my head on the bed it was funny so I started laughing and then straight after he… finished in his pants from just that. He got up to the balcony smoked a cigar told me we shouldn’t fuck anymore, went to leave with no explanation, then told me that we shouldn’t because he’s falling in love with me and it’s the last thing any of us needs.”

Wade for the first time in forever was speechless.

“So yeah forgive me for not really caring about his moping.”

Wade shook his head laughing, “Never would’ve guessed that Wolvie was the Boston cream his pants type of guy.”

You threw the flowers at him. “That’s not the point Wade!”

“Woah! What’s the point then?”

“He made me feel like I’m unloveable!”

You sighed and continued explaining your point.

“I would’ve accepted him worrying about catching feelings but he said it’s the last thing any of us needed. Am I that bad?”

Wade gave you a sympathetic look as he placed a hand on your shoulder. He thought for a moment thinking of the right thing to say when he gasped.

“Ohhh! I know what his problem is.”

You perked up, “What is it?”

He shook his head no. “I think it’s better if you work it out yourself.”

You threw your arms out aggressively. “What the fuck Wade?”

“Y/n. You’re an incredible, funny, kind hearted person with an amazing ass! Of course Logan fell for you. How could he not? He’s a really sexy but really complicated guy which is why, like I said you should be getting your answers from him.”

You didn’t say anything and Wade sighed.

“Look come to our apartment tonight. Wear something slutty and go get your man. Just warn me if you’re gonna fuck because I really, really, really want to listen.”

You smiled at Wades weird way of comforting you. “I’ll think about it.”

Wade nodded looking at his watch, “Well I’ve got to go and pick up Als coke. See ya y/n”

You decided to take Wades advice.

It was ten pm. Loud music thumped through the door as you stood outside Wade and Logan’s shared apartment. You had a ‘slutty’ dress on and you’d done your makeup to the way you liked it. You went to knock on the door when you stopped just infront of it. What the fuck were you doing?

You went to walk away when the door swung open as if Wade could sense you.

“Y/ns here!” He screamed to the large collection of people as they cheered. He pulled you through the room whispering about how he was proud of you and something about how your ass looked great.

As Wade got distracted your eyes landed on a familiar brown leather jacket. You smiled slightly, you couldn’t help it but it quickly faded when he moved to the side slightly to reveal a woman. She had opposite features to you and she stood in front of him giggling and touching his arms and face. She then leaned up to kiss him and you quickly turned away.

You were angry.

Furious to be exact. You weren’t official but he obviously didn’t fall for you that hard if he was kissing another girl. You snatched a drink from Colossus’ hand downing it as you went to find more.

You were pretty far gone. Not on the verge of blackout (yet at least) but the type of drunk that would explain what you were doing right now. You were on top of a table with a crowd around you as you threw your hips around to the song playing. The cheers from the crowd encouraging you to carry on dancing and to go even further.

You felt yourself reaching to the strap of your dress pulling it sultrily down your arm the top of your bra showing. The cheers only got louder distracting you from the random guy who leaned very close to the table. He placed his hands on the top of your legs grabbing your thighs. He reached his hands around and harshly smacked your ass. The flashing lights around you combined with the thumping bass and cheers were disorientating. You barely saw as the guy who’d grabbed you was harshly shoved away a voice bellowing out,

“Get the fuck out of here! What sort of people did you invite here Wade?”

You squinted to try and make out what was going on when your legs were swept off the table. You were hoisted over the man’s shoulder the front of your body draped over his back your ass extremely close to his face. You got worried for a second wondering who the hell was picking you up and whether the intentions were right until he spoke.

“What the fuck are you doing y/n?”

Logan.

The happiness of seeing him quickly wore off. God who does he think he is getting mad at you? You returned to being angry.

“Why do you care? I’m not yours to worry about anyway.”

He let out a sigh and kicked the door to what you now realised was his bedroom. You’d been there so many times that the fact you could barely walk in a straight line didn’t stop you from recognising it. He put you down on the bed gently as he went to remove your shoes.

If you had been sober you would’ve shrugged him off to show that you didn’t need him but all independence went out of your mind the minute he’d picked you up. If you had been sober you also wouldn’t make yourself seem so jealous but words left your lips quicker than you could think.

“Who was the girl you were with?” You asked as you kicked off your now undone shoe.

He looked genuinely confused. “What girl?”

You threw your head back on the bed annoyed.

“The girl that was rubbing up against you and kissed you.”

He smirked slightly, he couldn’t help but like the fact you were jealous.“Never seen her in my life. She came onto me, tried to kiss me I declined. She was pretty fucked up I think she got into Als coke so I called her a cab.”

Always a gentleman.

You rolled your eyes as he went to take off your other shoe. “Why are you so nice?” You huffed.

He smiled at the compliment. “Nice? I don’t think that’s me bub.”

You shook your head rather erratic due to the state you were in. “Nope! You are nice you just don’t let other people see it.” He smiled at your compliment.“Well you were nice until you made me feel like shit.”

He frowned guiltily as he helped you up to the pillows on the bed and placed the duvet over you. Logan stood back up and turned towards the door.

“You gonna leave me again?” You asked disappointed. God sober you would be so angry.

He shook his head. “I shouldn’t be here with you when you’re like this. It’s not right.”

You laughed hiccuping as you did “You’ve literally been inside me multiple times and this is where you draw the line? We’re not fucking! Just lay with me.”

He looked skeptical until you tilted your head your eyes shining brightly as you grabbed his arm. “Please?”

How could he say no to you when you looked like that? He cleared his throat and sat next to you on the bed. “You want anything?”

“Yeah. I want you.” You replied not looking at him, eyes fluttering open and closed. You were exhausted.

He shook his head. “Bub, no you don’t.”

You tiredly laughed in disbelief. “What do you mean? I really want this to happen you’re the one that said falling in love with me is the last thing any of us need? Am I that unlovable?”

You wanted him? You were drunk but they do say drunk words are sober thoughts. He wanted to tell you how he felt but there was no damn way you’d remember any of it the next morning. “I’m not answering you when you’re drunk I want you to remember what I say.”

His answer lingered in the air with no reply. He thought you had given him the silent treatment but then he heard soft snores coming from you. He laughed a little.

“And that’s why.” He whispered pushing your hair out of your face.

He sat on the bed next to you the whole night. He didn’t even bother sleeping, too worried about what he was going to say to you when you woke up. The only time he left was to prepare you aspirin, water and some food he knew you liked.

You turned over eyes opening as you moaned clutching your head. Logan gestured to the items he gathered earlier and you fixed yourself up. As you downed the glass of water he spoke up.

“You remember what we were talking about last night?”

He didn’t even bother beating around the bush. You paused gathering your memories it didn’t take you long and you felt like your brain had caught you up to speed. You started to remember all the things you had said and did and groaned head in hands.

“…Yeah.”

He pulled his lips into a straight line.

“Right well, I’m really not good with things like this but I’m sorry for making you feel like shit.”

You kept a straight face wanting to see where this was going but you were grateful for the apology.

“Y/n… you were the one that wanted a casual relationship. For me it was great because I didn’t have to worry about hurting anyone or getting hurt but I fell for you. How could I not?”

Your eyes widened. Logan was renowned for being unemotional so you couldn’t believe he was saying these things. You were also flattered you thought you had flaw after flaw but to Logan you were perfect.

“You didn’t want anyone to love you because you didn’t want to get hurt. I’m a terrible person. The worst version of Logan. And I got scared because I don’t want to hurt you. I also really don’t want to lose you.”

You shook your head ‘no’ at his self depreciation. He felt at ease knowing that you disagreed but he continued, “And I’m an asshole for making you feel unloveable because god y/n how could anyone not fall in love with you?”

Wow. For the first time ever Wade got something right. You smiled at him swinging your legs over his body so you were straddling him against the headboard. You leaned forward studying his face whilst the pads of your thumbs gently rubbed his rough skin.

“Logan you’re worried about hurting me but you’re the first person I’ve met that’s made me feel the safest. And I’m not going anywhere- unless you kill me or something.”

He laughed at your joke. Another reason he adored you. He leaned into the touch of your hands.“So, fuck it Lo, I love you too.”

He grabbed your face with urgency as he kissed you. You couldn’t help but smile into the kiss. God you two were so stupid. Why didn’t you just tell each-other this ages ago? You went to tell Logan what you were thinking when a bang on the wall pulled the two of you away from each other.

“Guys! That was so much better than listening to you fuck!” Wade yelled through the very thin walls of your apartment.

“Have you been listening this whole time prick?” Logan shouted back.

The two of you were met with a silence that strongly suggested that the answer was yes. You laughed leaning your head onto Logan’s shoulder.

“I’ll kill him.” He announced pointing to the wall. Logan was half joking but you could tell he was a little embarrassed. To open up to you clearly made him feel very vulnerable, it was understandable he didn’t want Wade to see that side of him. You tried to make him feel better by playing with the tufts of his hair. “Kill him later. Just stay here for a little longer.”

He nodded obeying you as he drew random patterns on your back. He felt like the luckiest guy in the world. You who looked beyond beautiful at six am in the morning, you who brought light to his life and you who loved him no matter his flaws.

He really did love you and you loved him. Feeling slightly giddy he reached for his cigars and lighter with you still buried into his shoulder.

“Baby..” you started pulling away from his shoulder.

He paused a cigar hanging from his lips. “Yeah?”

“Do I look like a clown?” You asked referring to your messy makeup that hadn’t been removed from last night.

“Yeah. Sexiest clown at the circus.” You cackled hitting his chest jokingly. He went back to his cigar when you started speaking again.

“Also.”

He quirked a brow up pausing in lighting his cigar bringing it away from his mouth. You leaned forward seductively inches away from his lips and paused.

“Don’t even think about smoking one of those fucking things in here.” You ordered smirking as you plucked the cigar from his lips placing it back on the table.

He rolled his eyes chucking the lighter next to the cigar saving it for later. He acted like he wasn’t but really he was happy. Now, he could put your hatred to cigars to a happier memory. He cupped your face. “That’s my girl.”

[burntb4bydoll]

I need so bad some Tokio Hotel member with a shy reader frrr, like she being shy and they being sweet, that's some hot shit.

Im actually pretty shy myself irl🤞dont be in my comments calling this cringe either, i think its so annoying when people shit on other people for wanting shy reader fics. it literally makes no sense to me because if you dont like it then dont read it🥰

Tokio Hotel with a shy s/o headcanons (slightly NSFW)

Bill kaulitz

•he can be a little shy himself, but for the most part hes pretty extroverted

•definitely makes sure that the attention is on him instead of you. He’ll make a fool out of himself if he needs to

•thinks its so damn cute when you get all shy and flustered when he compliments you. The shy smile on your face is his favorite thing in the world

•he will totally tease you about it too. The way you hide your face in his shirt makes him smirk so hard

• “aww its okay, sweetheart. No need to get all shy.” And he says that in the most teasing voice ever while stroking your hair

•loves when you can barely look him in the eyes, he thinks the way you get so nervous just because hes looking at you is very endearing

•makes you look into his eyes while he gives you head😇 if you look away, he slaps your thigh lightly and raises his eyebrow at you until you can hold eye contact with him

Tom Kaulitz

•omg hes such a little tease about it

•he always brings up when you get flustered or embarrassed

• “whats wrong, baby? You getting all shy on me?” LIKE STFU YES I AM

•hes a big attention grabber when you go out in public due to being famous and also being a attractive guy with good fashion sense, but he tries to distract you so that you dont get uncomfortable

•points out random things and just talks about random things to make you stop thinking about all the eyes on you

•will fight anyone who makes you feel bad about being shy. It’s completely normal and okay to be shy and he won’t let anyone tell you otherwise

•you get so embarrassed cuz you get all teary and needy when he fucks you. So he makes sure you know how good you’re doing 🤭

“It’s alright, you’re doing such a good job for me baby. My pretty little slut, hm?”

Georg Listing

•lord he is THRIVING

•strong believer that he would love a shy s/o

•he finds your bashfulness extremely refreshing and adorable. I think overly confident people would kinda annoy him so he likes that you’re humble and keep to yourself

•loves to give you random compliments just to see your eyes go wide and your hands come up to cover your face

•he pulls your hands away and tilts his head at you, trying to get you to look at him

“What’s wrong, babydoll? All I did was call you pretty. It that too much for you?”

• if you get too nervous to talk to workers or order your own food, he 100% does it for you

•he will make you use your words if you want something, because he knows how embarrassed you get and he thinks its so hot.

“Come on, you know you gotta use your words if you want something. Just tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you.” So you gotta tell him when you want him to fuck you or else he’ll pretend like he doesn’t know what you want cuz hes an asshole🙄

Gustav Schäfer

•tbh he doesn’t really know how to help you at the beginning of your relationship

•he sees you getting embarrassed and just awkwardly rubs your back😭 HES CONFUSED LEAVE HIM ALONE

•but once he gets more comfortable, he knows what to do to help you feel better

•likes when you hide in his side or hide your face in his arm, it makes him feel important😇

•doesn’t even ask if you want him to order your food for you, he does it on his own. He’ll ask you what you want before its time to order so that he doesn’t have to ask you mid order

•HATES when people laugh at you for being shy. A lot of jealous fans like to make fun of you but he always makes sure to tell them off. No one talks bad about his s/o, he doesn’t care if they’re “fans” or not.

•he’ll always make sure you’re comfortable during sex, he would hate if you felt like you couldn’t tell him what you do and dont want

“Is this okay? I know you get shy, but I need to know what you want, honey. You want my fingers? Thank you for telling me, such a good girl/boy/baby.”

[rinhaler]

MY BOYFRIEND'S BACK, AND HE'S COOLER THAN EVER!

CHAPTER SUMMARY : Bags are packed, parents are disappointed, and Chigiri has arrived to ride up to the Itoshi family cabin together !

ex-fiancé!rin x f!reader

WARNINGS : 18+, alcohol mention.

WORDS : 4k

notes : me vs wanting to fuck almost everyone in the cabin ���

LAST CHAPTER ┊ MASTERLIST ┊ NEXT CHAPTER

“Ready to go?” Chigiri asks, coming inside to assess the situation. He looks at your enormous suitcase and several travel bags before looking back at you with a quirked brow. You look away from him quickly, pretending something on your phone has caught your attention. “You know we’re only going for a week, right?”

“I want to be prepared!”

“It’s crazy,” he laughs, “because I know that somehow you’re gonna come home with more things than you left with.”

“Not true! Your birthday presents are in here!” you smile, shaking the large gift bag in your hand. He tries to take it from you to peak at what’s inside, but you move it out of his reach.

He pouts.

You pout harder.

“Fine, I’ll carry the heavy suitcase. Even though it’s my birthday week.”

“Thank you Chigs~!”

“Don’t call me that~!” he repeats in your sing-song voice.

You laugh, picking up another bag and carrying it to the car. You load them into the back before rushing into your house again and getting the last few bags. He takes them for you, allowing you to lock the door. If you’d had more warning, you definitely would have gotten a house sitter. But you’re trying not to worry about that, you just want to get on the road and leave all of your worries behind.

Worries, including your family. The family who are less than impressed that you’re abandoning them to spend a boozy week with friends instead of them. You don’t care, though. You delivered their gifts and wished them well.

It’s stupid, really, that they’re so frustrated that you won’t be spending time with them. You can’t stomach spending time with your dad and his new girlfriend. He knows you can’t control your face and you say the first thing that comes to your mind.

You inherited that from him.

Your mother however, was devastated when you told her. You figured she’d be okay since she has a larger family to spend the holidays with. But you’re her only child, you suppose you are being a little selfish.

It’s something you have to do though, you feel. You’re not over Rin and you don’t want to spend Christmas with family grieving what should have been you and him spending the day together. This way, you get to actually have fun. It’s not forced or superficial to keep up appearances for your relatives.

No one is going to expect anything of you at the cabin.

“I’m proud of you,” Chigiri smiles, looking at you briefly before focusing back on the road. You scoff, turning the radio up in the car, Mariah Carey blasting through the speakers. You both groan before he hands you the aux cord. “Not in a cringe way. I just mean, I know you’re a people pleaser. So I’m impressed that you put yourself over your parents.”

“Ugh, they were both so disappointed in me. I spent thousands on presents for them both. I even got some toys for my stepdad’s ratty step-kids. What more can I do?”

“God they are ratty.”

“They’re giving Damien from The Omen.” you tell him, both of you laughing loudly as one of your playlists plays softly through the speaker. You turn it up a little, both of you whooping as you hear Boss Bitch by Doja Cat play. “I know I was shitting myself when Sae texted, but I’m so glad we’re doing this.”

“Me too, I was dreading spending my birthday with your miserable ass.” he chuckles and you slap his arm lightly. “Wait! I know you’re still down about Rin, so, this will be a fun distraction. Plus I bet you end up hooking up with one of Sae’s friends, you haven’t had your rebound yet.”

“I am not doing another footballer, I can’t.” you shake your head.

You both laugh lightly and carry on chatting about the events to come. It’s like a weeklong party, essentially. And ever since you’ve known Chigiri, you’ve both loved a party. But it’s never actually the party itself.

The days before a party are always the best. Whether you’re hosting or attending, it’s always exciting. A theme is always ideal but not essential. Either way, you’ll spend weeks talking about it. Who’s going? What will you wear? What are you gonna drink?

You go on numerous shopping trips and buy endless amounts of clothes until you find the perfect outfit. Only to wear it that night and never again. But it’s worth it, every time. Hearing people compliment how gorgeous you look never gets old.

No one’s words meant more to you than Rin’s, though. The way he’d rest his hand in the small of your back while showing you off made you feel like a princess. He’d whisper sweet nothings about how you’re the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen and the things he wanted to do to you when you got home. It made your legs weak and your face flush with heat. And yet, he was always so calm. So cool. He liked to rile you up and pay you no mind as you look up at him expectantly. Acting as if he hadn’t said something so salacious and lewd while chatting with guests.

It drove you wild.

But, truthfully, where your best friend is concerned, your favourite part of a party is the morning after. If he spent the night at your place, especially. You’d wait for him to message you to let you know he’s awake and leave Rin’s side while he was snoring softly. Hyoma can’t handle his drink, and you’re no better. You’d crawl into bed with him and burrow under the duvet after handing him some water and painkillers.

Hungover or not, though, you loved gossiping with him. You’d trade stories about what happened throughout the night and things you heard. It made your day; it made the hangover worth it.

And now, you’re driving towards a week’s worth of that.

You groan as the song changes from Doja Cat to Lust for Life by Lana Del Rey.

“Nope!” he objects, “What kind of psychopath has Doja and Lana on the same playlist?” Chigiri asks, skipping the song. You throw your head back against the headrest, sighing as you think about Rin, again.

The album featuring the eponymous song is one of the first gifts Rin gave you. In vinyl form, of course, along with a pink record player. You had a record player already, but you told him a few times that you’d always wanted a pink one. It was a birthday gift, you remember crying so much as you unwrapped it.

“And I thought we could listen to this together.” you reminisce on him telling you as he handed the album to you. You told him you’d never listened to it before when you were going through her discography. It was a throwaway comment you didn’t think he’d even remember.

You cried listening to the self-titled song, wrapped up in his arms as he held you close. Truthfully, you’ve never felt so loved. And unfortunately, you don’t think you will again. You told him, repeatedly, how in love with him you were.

He couldn’t keep his hands off you after that.

“I need to make a new playlist.” you sigh, Chigiri nods, agreeing. “You’re right, Doja and Lana on the same playlist is psycho behaviour.”

“And you’re only just realising this?” he laughs again.

“I bet he’s got a new girlfriend now. Girls always threw themselves at him, even when we were together.” you tell him. “Oh my God, I miss him. I miss him so much I feel sick. I can’t do this.”

“Shut up.” he tells you, sternly, “I haven’t seen anything on his socials about a girlfriend, but that’s none of your business anymore anyway.”

“You’re still on his socials?”

“… anyway…”

“You know how private he is, Hyoma. If he’s seeing someone he wouldn’t post about her.”

“He posted you.” he reminds you, and you shrug defeatedly. “Besides, you broke up with him. You ended things and you’re still heartbroken. Imagine how depressed he probably is. He’s a workaholic, too. He’s probably distracting himself with work, not girls.”

Hyoma always knows what to say. Deep down, you knew that. But you never would have thought about it until he said. It was a miracle that he even asked you out, after all. His friends never failed to tell you how surprised they were. He’s too focused on football to bother with girls.

But you… you were different.

“You’re self-sabotaging, idiot.” Chigiri tells you. “We’ll get there, we’ll have fun, and you won’t think about Rin at all. I’m banning Rin talk for the rest of the week.”

“Fine fine fine.” you relent, shaking your body in an attempt to dispel any further thoughts of your ex. Though, to be honest, Sae might make it hard to not think about or discuss him. He’s his brother, after all. You can’t expect him to not talk about his little brother. And you certainly can’t ask him not to. “You’re gonna love the cabin. It’s huge. And there’s a lake we can ice skate on.”

“Perfect, can’t wait.”

There are several cars parked outside as you pull up. Chigiri parks, but is frozen in place as he looks at the cabin. It’s clear that the place is not what he expected. You end up leaving him alone to process his thoughts as he drinks it in. It’s the closest he’ll get to feeling like a celebrity, he suspects.

He follows you out, rushing to help you lift your suitcase as you struggle under the weight of it. You smile, gratefully, as he drags it towards the cabin. You decide to pick up his much smaller suitcase as well as all of your other bags. It isn’t hard to keep up with him as he struggles to pull your luggage through the snow.

“This isn’t a cabin. I was expecting a log shack with a few amenities. This is a mansion.” Chigiri tells you as you walk by his side. You giggle, agreeing, you felt exactly the same way the first time you came here with Rin.

You walk up the stairs ahead of him and knock on the door, starting to shiver as the biting winter air begins to attack you.

Chigiri manages to get your suitcase to the top of the stairs before anyone even knows you’ve knocked. He’s cold, tired, and impatient, and decides to ring the doorbell. You can both hear music playing inside.

It gets louder once the door swings open, and you see a familiar face.

“Oh hey, are you the little sister?” Oliver asks, forgetting that you’ve met before. You assume that’s how Sae has been referring to you as when talking to his friends, so, you nod. He smiles at Chigiri and takes your heavy suitcase from him, lifting it with ease as he welcomes you in. “They’re all in the lounge, grab yourselves a drink from the kitchen.” he tells you, winking as he sets down your case with all of the others at the bottom of the stairs.

There’s a lot of luggage, though the amount seems to double when you and Chigiri put the rest of yours down. You aren’t sure how many people must be here, but the nerves are setting in.

“She’s cute!” you hear Oliver tell the group as he goes into the lounge, it’s quiet, but you hear it clearly.

“You’ve met her before, idiot.” you hear Sae tell him, his voice getting closer to you as he comes to greet you. “Hey you.” he smiles, hugging you and placing a soft kiss on your cheek. You hug him back, feeling surprisingly calmer as you allow yourself to melt into his embrace.

You aren’t sure why, but you were worried he’d be weird with you when he saw you in person. This is only the second time you’ve seen him since you and Rin split, after all. The first was a coffee date to explain your side of things face to face. You’re happy you decided to keep in contact with Sae, he’s been so sweet and supportive through it all.

So, really, you aren’t sure why you expected him to be off with you.

Especially since he invited you here.

“Nice to meet you, man.” Sae smiles at Chigiri, holding his hand out to shake, which he does. “Your birthday is on the 23rd, yeah? We’ll plan something fun.”

“Being here is fun enough, don’t worry.” Hyoma responds, looking around. “This isn’t a cabin, by the way.” he laughs.

Sae laughs too, walking back towards the lounge. “Come meet everyone.” he insists. You and Chigiri look at each other, but follow.

You’re the only girl here, by the looks of things. You aren’t sure if that’ll change or not though. Maybe they all have partners who are arriving together later. You’re a little surprised by the headcount, you were expecting more. Including Sae, there’s only four of them sitting around the fire, drinking together.

“Apparently we’ve met before?” Oliver’s brows knot in contemplation, and you nod. “Sorry, sweetheart. Normally I don’t forget a pretty face.”

“Yeah ya do, bullshitter.” Tabito snickers, looking up at you from his seat on the floor. You’ve never met Karasu, but you’ve heard a lot about him. Mostly from Rin about when they used to play together. And you may or may not have stalked his socials before, so you’re familiar with his face. “Nice to meet’cha, heard a lot about you.”

“Likewise.” you smile.

“Do you smoke?” you hear another voice speak as you get further into the room. Your eyes lie on Eita Otoya as he pulls a blunt from behind his ear, and you shake your head. You’re surprised to see them letting loose like this, though you suppose they mustn’t get the chance to often.

Rin found it hard to relax and unwind. He’s always been so career focused, never wanting to do anything to harm his reputation. And you understand that, you do. You’re the same, really. You have an image to maintain, people seem to think being a model is just turning up and looking pretty. But you take it seriously, like Rin.

Though he doesn’t seem to know how to turn it off.

“No Ryusei?” you ask, a little surprised he couldn’t make it.

“Not yet, he should be here soon.” Sae assures you. You laugh, knowing you’re in for a really fun week once Shidou gets here. Sae turns back to look at you, taking you back to the entrance. “I’ll show you to your rooms. Did you want to share? There’s enough for everyone to have their own.”

“She snores, I’ll take my own.” Hyoma tells Sae, earning a smirk from him. You try to argue, but your best friend seems to be too convincing. The rest of the guys join you, offering to help with your bags and carry them up to your room.

And, really, who are you to say no?

Chigiri rolls his eyes, carrying his own case and entering the room Sae had planned for him. You realise Sae is sleeping in the master bedroom downstairs when you see all of the other rooms have been claimed by sneakers and jackets from the other guests, all of them are just too lazy to bring their luggage up.

Though none of them had a problem helping with yours.

Your heart sinks when you realise Sae saved your usual room for you to take. The room you always shared with your ex whenever he brought you here. The guys don’t give you much time to feel sorrowful, though. Not when they’re laughing and joking beside you. Sae notices your forlorn expression, pulling you aside slightly.

“I thought you’d feel comfortable in here, but we can switch if you want.” he tells you, but you shake your head. “Ryusei will be in the opposite room so I’m sure you won’t be thinking about anything other than how annoying he is.” he smiles.

“Thank you, Sae.” you smile, albeit a little weakly. It’s bittersweet, that’s all. “At least I have the best view.” you tell him, opening the doors to the large balcony that looks over the lake. You think about how the nearby town’s lights twinkle at night.

“Right.” he puts a sympathetic hand on your shoulder. “Everyone out, let’s leave her to unpack.” Sae announces, ushering the other three men out of the room.

You smile, waving at them all as they leave. Once they’re out, Sae closes the door behind himself and leaves you alone with your thoughts. As much as you want to sit and dwell on things, you decide to occupy your mind and unpack instead.

You’re startled, a little, when Chigiri comes in to see you. Though you’re relieved when he starts to help.

“You did not need to bring all of this.” he grabs a gold glittery mini stress and holds it up. “I— I’ve never seen this in my life. Oh my God, did you buy new clothes for this? You are trying to get a rebound.”

“No I’m—”

“Yeah, you are.” he stops you immediately. “I’ve been stalking all of their socials in my room, they’re all single. And they all had their tongues hanging out for you when you came in.”

“You work too fast.” you laugh. He shrugs, grabbing a few items of clothing and hanging them up in the wardrobe for you.

You’re thankful for his help, it goes a lot quicker than it would have otherwise. Plus you get to gossip about the week ahead. You try and dodge his questions, but your facial expressions always give you away. You have quite a good poker face, but it doesn’t matter when it comes to Chigiri. He has a way of making you shy and giggly when you’re trying to keep a secret.

“Which one?” he asks, and you tut. “I feel like they’re all your type.” he tells you, handing you your toothbrush to take to the ensuite.

“They are.” you laugh from the other room. You return, zipping up your case and pushing it away. “I’ve always had the hots for Ryusei low key though, but I think Rin would be livid.”

“Rin isn’t here and he’s not our problem.” Chigiri smiles. You both sit on top of your bed and flop backwards with a sigh. He turns his head to the side to look at you while you’re too busy disassociating, staring at the ceiling. “Don’t just do it because you feel like you have to, by the way.”

“What do you mean?” you ask. “Oh, rebound.”

He nods, “We’re here to have fun. So, if you’re going to fuck one of them, do it because it’s fun.”

“I won’t.” you agree. “I’m worried about feeling guilty too… they’re Rin’s friends, after all. I don’t want to upset him.”

As Chigiri is about to respond, he’s stopped by the sound of the doorbell ringing. You smile, widely, when you realise Ryusei is here. Hyoma knows all about Ryusei. His feral replacement whenever Rin used to take you around the world for his away games.

Hyoma isn’t jealous, of course. Especially when he knew you had a little crush on Ryusei. You and Hyoma have only ever been friends, and you’ll never be closer to anyone than you are with each other.

“Should we wait a few minutes so I don’t look desperate?” you ask, sitting upright and resting your bodyweight on one hand as you look down at him.

“Yeah.” he nods.

You nod too. You start lying back down, slowly, looking around at the room as you do. “I can’t.” you tell him, jumping off the bed and heading towards the door. He sighs, but hurries after you.

All of the guests are gathered in the entryway as they greet Ryusei. They exchange hugs and handshakes as they all chat and catch up. You descend the stairs slowly, but not fully, standing at the halfway point with Chigiri as you watch the scene unfold.

His bright smile turns to a look of wonder when he notices you. Eyes softening as he realises you’re here, you’re really here.

“No way…” he smirks, “Hey, kid, how are ya?”

“I’m good,” you nod, an embarrassingly wide smile on your face. “And you? How are you, Ryu?”

“Better for seeing you,” he laughs. “Didn’t know you were comin’.”

“Shut the door, man, it’s freezing.” Sae tells him, approaching to do it for him. But Ryusei stops him, keeping him at arm’s length so he can’t.

“I actually picked someone up on the way.” Ryusei announces, side stepping a little as he waits for the mystery guest to hurry. Chigiri’s eyes widen in horror, the realisation hitting him before anyone else as he looks at you. You’re too busy feeling deflated that Ryusei has brought a girl along with him.

“Oh no.” Chigiri speaks, and you look at him. “We should go back upstairs.”

“What? Why?” you ask him, confused. Though your attention is forced back downstairs when you see another figure enter the cabin out of your peripheral view.

Your heart sinks.

“Rin?” Sae asks as he watches his younger, yet for some reason taller, brother set down his suitcase.

Your heart keeps plummeting deeper through your body as you watch him, too. God, he looks even better than he did the day you ended things. He’s always been striking, beautiful. Just so God damn handsome. But he looks older, more mature.

You feel your breathing get heavier and more intense the longer you watch him. The way he dusts the snow from his expensive looking coat. And that familiar ruffle of his hair as he fixes it into place.

“You said you weren’t coming.” Sae tells him.

“I changed my mind,” Rin responds, gesturing to Ryusei. “He begged, really.”

Sae holds his eyes shut, sighing. Rin isn’t sure what the issue is. He was invited, after all, he just declined. He expected his brother to be happy to see him, he thought it would be a fun surprise. Though maybe he only invited him out of obligation.

Shidou hadn’t made it seem that way, though.

“Look who’s here.” Ryusei smiles, pointing up at you.

Rin’s weak smile drops to a stoic straight line as he follows his friends directional finger and his sights land on you. You’re frozen. You can’t smile. You can’t say hello. You can’t even wave. You’re just staring at each other, both absolutely paralysed with no idea how to act.

“H— Hi…” you struggle to speak. Hyoma is thankful you’re too distracted looking at Rin to see the way he’s cringing horrendously behind your back, but not showing his face to the lower floor.

“Hey.” Rin responds, even smiling a little when he hears your voice. It’s been so long, after all. “I didn’t know you were coming.” he explains.

“Same…” you tell him, hoping he believes you. “I wouldn’t have come if I knew you were coming. Wait—” you interrupt yourself when you realise how horrible that sounded.

“Stop talking.” Hyoma whispers, and you clear your throat.

Everyone else seems to see the funny side, all except Rin. He appears a little downtrodden, though he disguises it well. You know him, though. You’re sure he knows you didn’t mean it how it sounded, but you can’t help feeling a little guilty.

“You made it very clear you weren’t coming, Rin.” Sae tells him. “If you said you were coming I—”

“It’s fine. I didn’t know you were still talking, though.” Rin says, the annoyance in his voice very evident. You can’t tell if he’s purposefully trying to hurt you or if it’s just Rin being Rin. “But we’re adults. I’m sure we can co-exist for a week, right?” he asks, looking at you with his intense, teal gaze.

“R—Right…”

© 2023 rinhaler

[chrisevansonly]

𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐦𝐚𝐬 𝐉𝐚𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐞𝐬

𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐲𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: what better way to celebrate your first christmas season together than by wearing matching christmas pyjama’s

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: none, just fluffy goodness

𝐚/𝐧: i am in such a december christmas mood now that it’s almost the holiday season and idk it’s giving me little bursts of energy to write so here’s a lil harry fic for you all! i know it’s been a while, don’t worry he’s not going anywhere and is still very much my boy❤️

🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄

“Okay sit down, I have something for you!”

Harry raised his eyebrows at your excitement, I mean who wouldn’t be excited it was the first Christmas season for the two of you as a couple, and you were about to share a tradition with him that you’d always loved from childhood to now.

“Should I be scared?”

“Maybe of how much I love Christmas, but this I promise, will not hurt you”

He couldn’t help but laugh, giving you a simple nod as he settled onto the couch, his eyes watching you with a gentle curiosity

“So I know it’s our first holiday season together, and I wanted to give you this…it’s a tradition that-well I want us to share it…but only if you want to, here..”

Handing him the tissue wrapped package he smiled, taking your hand to kiss it gently before unwrapping your gift. When he spotted the soft pyjama bottoms dark blue with snowflakes and little reindeer, a matching top only it was plain, leaving all the fun to the bottoms he smiled

“Thank you baby, I love them”

“Um do you know why I gave you pyjamas..?”

He nodded

“To be comfy of course!” he stated, enthusiastic as always

“Well yes but…” you paused, walking to the love seat across the living room and picking up the matching pair, and bringing them over.

As soon as Harry noticed his eyes softened and he patted the seat next to him

“You got us matching Christmas jammies baby?”

“I did…” your voice was shy, it almost made you want to internally cringe

“I just, I loved wearing matching pyjamas growing up and I wanted to share the tradition with you…but if you don’t like it then it’s okay!”

Harry was quick to pull you in for a kiss, the thoughts and insecurities melting away as his hand moved to cup your jaw, knowing just how to get you to stop talking

“I love this, and I love you, thank you m’love”

Your heart grew warm at the sheer amount of love he held for you always making you feel that special kind of warm and fuzzy

“I love you…so do you maybe want to put them on and watch Charlie Brown Christmas…? I made cookies earlier”

“You know what, I think that sounds like the perfect night to me”

Some might think it’s silly, not even December first and you’re already in the holiday spirit, getting ready to wear your matching pyjamas, watch a Christmas movie and enjoy yummy sugar cookies, but Harry didn’t care, and neither did you.

He’d do anything to make you happy, and he’d be a fool to skip out on the greatest holiday movie of all, especially paired with your famous cookies, he’d never ever turn those down.

With the snow falling outside, there was no better night to get cuddle up on the couch with his favourite girl, and his new favourite jammies…

[idontplaytrack]

janis or regina x reader where no one (including their friend group) knew that they were dating. until one day reader gets injured at school somehow and they rush over to help her.

Take another step

Janis ‘Imi’ike x fem! reader

Warnings: coarse language, some squabbling, fluff

A dodgeball to the head unravels a chaotic situation on a whole new level (I had too much fun with this fic lol💀)

The sound of Mr. Park’s whistle pierced your ears, as was the pain piercing through your head. Janis saw the dodgeball get thrown at your head in the midst of the chaos among both teams. You had already lost your balance, so that and the pushing and shoving caused you to fall. The game was promptly stopped, Janis also came up to you to help you out of the crowd of fellow students. And then, you just threw up. Everything was a blur, but you knew you weren’t exactly okay. You had a concussion.

You remembered mumbling a quick ‘sorry’ to Janis because you barely missed her Converses. And then…your world turned pitch black.

Your eyes slowly peeled opened, but instantly shut again due to the bright fluorescent lights on the ceiling. You groaned, then heard movement beside you and two people squabbling quietly. Wait a second…you knew those voices.

“y/n?”

“What?” You murmured, very slowly turning your head as you vision came into focus on the dark haired artist with dark purple streaks in her hair. “Wh- why are you here? Uh—” You looked at the person next to her. A blonde, standing next to Janis, in between Janis and your mother.

“How are you feeling?” Your mom asked.

“My head kills.” You grumbled, wincing.

“Yeah, you have a pretty bad concussion.” Your mom frowned. “But your friends are here to see you.”

“Um— okay.”

Janis wasn’t actually your friend. And especially not Regina.

”When can I go home?”

“They’re gonna keep you here for a couple days because of the concussion.”

You sighed, defeated. “Guys, just…go home. I’ve got nothing to do. I just wanna sleep.”

Regina shrugged, then left, “If you say so.” Janis stayed behind, waiting for Regina to leave first. “I’ll go get a coffee, just rest up for now, alright?” Your mom squeezed your hand as she spoke.

“Okay,” You swallowed thickly, “See you later.” You watch your mom leave, then looked back at Janis, “And why are you still here?”

“Um.” She started. “I helped you up after you fell get out of there. Just wanted to see if you were okay.”

“Well, I am. So you can go now, I’m sure you have better things to do than being in the hospital with me.”

Janis squinted at you, “I’m just worried about you.”

“Okay, but why? I know we’re in some of the same classes and all, but we’ve never really talked unless we had to work on projects together.”

“Because…” Janis cleared her throat, “I’m uh, I care about you…?”

You were too out of it, and just speaking your mind currently. “Oh, okay.”

“Regina says she likes you.”

You scoffed, “I don’t think so. I’m in her Burn Book. She wrote some nasty shit about me, Janis. Does she think I don’t know it just because I choose to keep to myself?”

“Well she just told me she does and we got into a little bit of a fight.”

“Fight for what?” You looked at her, puzzled.

“I told her that you most likely knew about the Burn Book. Like— what she wrote and stuff. She’s just insisting you don’t, because you don’t have a clue what’s going on.” Janis explained, “So then I told her, it was up to you to choose between her or me. We’re both gonna woo you.”

Woah.

“Um…” You sniffled, “I’m sorry what? Did you just confess to me? Me.”

“Seems like I did. While she left, so…” She grinned cheekily.

“Thanks for helping me out. I didn’t throw up on your shoes, did I?” You cringed.

“No, you’re good.” Janis laughed a little, leaning slightly closer to look at you. You laughed at the proximity of your faces, feeling just a tad awkward. After all, she did just confess to you. While looking at your current pale face, messy hair and bloodshot eyes. You also definitely had a bump on your head somewhere. That’s why it hurt. So damn bad.

“I’m gonna throw up.” You looked at her dead in the eyes when you said it. She was totally unfazed and just stuck the emesis bucket under your chin.

“This sucks.” You sighed.

“I feel ya.” Janis was still smiling. You weren’t used to it, but you were…okay with it. Why were you okay with it? “I hear you were supposed to tutor Regina?”

“Yeah, for algebra.” You laid back cautiously. She got rid of whatever was in the bucket and returned. “Norbury asked me to. Now I’m just…here. And I’m not too sure I wanna do it.”

“Then don’t.”

“Do you think she’ll let me off the hook?”

“I mean, Norbury—”

“Not Norbury. Regina. I’ll still see her anyway, God knows how. But you did say she’s trying to woo me too.”

“We’ll see.” She wiggled her brows playfully.

“Right, we will.”

“Hey, um, once you’re able to get outta here…should we go somewhere? Just the two of us?”

“We kind of are alone now, so…” You joked.

“I mean- yeah.” Janis laughed, “But I was thinking, something nicer than this. When you’re not feeling nauseous and achy and stuff. Only if you want, of course.”

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

The smile on Janis’ face returned, “Put your number in. I’ll text you once I get it planned.”

You took her phone and put your number in.

“Great.” Janis slid her phone back into her pocket, “Do you want me to go so you can rest? I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

“Okay, Janis.” You agreed with a little nod, “Thanks.”

“I’ll text you.” She squeezed your hand lightly, brushing her thumb over your knuckles, “Take care.”

Janis left, so you were alone. Left alone with that sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach and your throbbing head. You were dozing off when the door opened, a nurse came in to check your vitals. You didn’t have to be awake for that so you just proceeded to drift off to sleep. When you woke up, your Mom was asleep in the armchair near your bed. The clock tells you that it was way past dinnertime, but you were hungry. You see a coffee cup on the table— your Mom’s and a brown paper bag next to it. You sat up straight and scooted closer to the table to pull it closer to yourself. Quietly, you dug through the bag and found a sandwich and a brownie. You put the sandwich back then began eating the brownie contently, you felt pretty great right now considering the nausea. At least you felt like eating. And could keep it down. You found your phone after your little dinner and decided to check your messages. You’ve gotten a few from Janis, which wasn’t too surprising. But you also received a couple from Regina. She didn’t even have your number in the first place, that was weird.

Right, your moms were friends. Taking in a deep breath, you put your phone away then got up to use the bathroom. Your Mom woke up when she heard the footsteps.

“Mom, I’m okay. Just gotta pee.”

“I know, sweetie. Just making sure.” She said.

“You could’ve went home to sleep, Mom.” You told her, leaving the bathroom door open slightly. It was late and you weren’t feeling the best so you didn’t really care. “Nurses and doctors are like, ten feet away.”

“I know, but I just don’t want you to wake up and suddenly realise I left you here alone without telling you first.”

You chuckled, “Okay. I appreciate that, thank you.”

“How’s the pain?”

“It’s…there. Kind of annoying but isn’t as bad compared to when I first woke up. Did you know I threw up once?”

“When I went to get coffee? Yeah. It’s normal though, with concussions. But I get that it sucks.”

You washed your hands then walked back to your bed with the IV pole that was connected to the back of your hand.

————

The next week, Regina shows up at your on a Tuesday, claiming that she used the excuse of you having to tutor her to get out of hanging out with Gretchen and Karen because she wanted to be with you. She’s been texting you sometimes over the week, but you truly couldn’t show any real interest in her because you were just reminded of how she’d hurt you with the Burn Book, and thinks that you had zero clue.

The silence was out of shock as she stood before you on the porch. You gave her a forced smile, “What are you doing here?”

“I wanna see you. I need to talk to you.” She said, looking at you. Her gaze was soft, she seemed genuine, but you couldn’t get past that mental hurdle just yet. “Can I come in?”

“Sure, sure.” You stepped to the side so she could walk in, then you shut and locked the door. 

With the silence between both of you, it did not take long for you to start talking. Talking about how you knew about the Burn Book. More specifically what was written about you.

“Janis told me about the agreement you two had.” You began, “I’m gonna be honest with you, Regina. She’s winning. Because you hurt me and assumed that I had no idea about it just because I wasn’t here on the day that the Burn Book got dropped in the hallway. The people talk, Regina. A lot. I’ve been hurt before, but they never become like you…crushing on me, or so you say. How do I believe you? How do you expect me to believe you?”

She looked at you blankly for a bit, then said, “You’re right, it’s wrong for me to assume. I never should’ve done any of it. But I cannot change what’s already been done. If you’ll let me, if you’ll give me a chance…I’ll show you that I can change. That I’ve been trying to change.”

“Regina, I’ve known you for almost seven years.” You continued, “You’ve never once made me feel comfortable in your presence. I’ve known Janis for three and barely talked to her before she stayed with me in the hospital after you left that day. She made me feel…normal. I didn’t have to keep running my replies through my head, I didn’t have to worry about my hair, my clothes, my facial expressions.”

Her face fell, her gaze turned sad, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know what I was feeling. I didn’t know it was okay to like a girl. I couldn’t accept it, I couldn’t accept myself. I’m still struggling, but I’m sorry for what I’ve said and what I’ve done to hurt you. I thought if I did that to you, my actual feelings for you would go away. But it didn’t — and I just feel like shit.”

Seeing her sad made you so uncomfortable. You could never be at ease in her presence. 

“I get that, but I cannot let this continue. I just can’t see myself being with you. I’m sorry.”

“I understand.” Regina nodded, “Thanks for letting me talk.” 

“Least I could do is hear you out.” You replied.

“I’m sorry about the concussion. Shane’s a horrible player.” Regina continued.

“I’m getting better. It’s fine.” You managed a chuckle, eyes somehow welling up with tears. You actually spoke up, and she didn’t stop you.

“I got you a little something on my way here.” She took a Twix bar out of her purse, “Heard this was your favourite so I wanted to cheer you up a little.” 

“Thanks, Regina.” 

She smiled, though a little sadly. But she knew she wasn’t going to get more out of this than an acquaintanceship or friendship— someday, maybe. Regina’s got to move on from this rejection, but ultimately right now, now that she’s gotten an answer from you for her burning question, she just doesn’t want you to hate her anymore.

“We’ll uh, take it a day at a time, shall we?” You said, “You’re on probation.”

“Really?” Her eyes lit up, excited for a moment.

“Show me you mean it. I don’t want to see or hear you making others feel like shit. Like, actually.” 

“I heard ya. You have my word.” 

Regina left immediately after that, and Janis texted you right as you laid down. This goes on for a bit until you decided to make dinner for yourself since your Mom was going to be working till late. Janis texted you to ask what you were making for dinner. You texted her a photo of a packet of instant ramen.

> Do you want to go out for dinner?

You squinted, re-reading the text.

You were tempted. Very tempted, but also very nervous.

Where? <

> You pick, I drive :D

Smooth, ‘Imi’ike. You know how to make a girl smile <

> I try :p 

> Pick you up in 20!

Okay then, so it seems you were going to dinner with Janis. You left the unopened pack of instant noodles on the counter then scurried to your room to go get changed after letting her know your address. You were staring at your wardrobe for what seemed like ages before you got annoyed and just decided to put on a t-shirt and a pair of jean shorts. This wasn’t a date. 

This wasn’t a date. Was it?! Oh gosh.

Janis pulled up in front of your house on the dot, you grabbed your phone, wallet and keys and shoved them into your sling bag before going out. “Hi, pretty girl.” Janis smiled, reaching over from the driver’s seat to open the door for you. 

You looked away for a split second before getting in to hide your flushed cheeks. She doesn’t say anything about it, so maybe she didn’t notice. It was getting kind of dark out anyway. “So…where are we headed?” Janis asked.

“Um, maybe pizza?” 

“Well then, pizza it is.” Janis grinned, then drove off further away from your house. She had her playlist playing softly through the speakers, not your type of music, but you didn’t mind. It was pretty good. “Doing any better?”

“I mean, I’m going out to dinner with you so I would say so.” You laughed. “I’m going back to school tomorrow. Have some questions for the French worksheet, but that can wait.”

“That’s right, dinner first.” Janis nodded, “Good to have you back in school though. We’ll settle the French homework after.”

You’ve been cooped up at home for the last few days, you didn’t exactly have the motivation to do much even around the house. So, you didn’t force yourself to go out. You were still somewhat dizzy, and sometimes you’d suddenly get nauseous. But, a whole lot better in comparison to your first day in the hospital. You hummed, nodded, then looked out the window. “You alright? Should I turn back?”

“I’m okay.” You assured, looking at her for a moment. You saw how worried she was and felt bad. “Just the headache.” You explained. “I’m sorry.” She replied, “Do you need Tylenol? I have it in the glove compartment.” 

“I already—” Your eyes screwed shut, “I already took one.”

“Close your eyes for a bit then, I’ll wake you up when we get there.” Janis suggested, “Maybe the lights are making your headache worse. You like Pepperoni?”

“Okay.” You muttered. “Yeah, that’s my favourite. With hot honey.”

As you turned your head to face the window, you nodded off quite quickly thanks to the movement of the car. So, lucky for Janis, you didn’t notice that she was smiling at you— in her words, ‘like an idiot’.

Awhile later, the car comes to a stop at a light. Swiftly, Janis made a pickup order for pizza— one pineapple and one pepperoni with hot honey. As soon as she put her phone back down, the light turned green. So she continued to drive to the pizza parlour. Once at the pizza place, she collected the pizzas and returned to her car. You seemed fine, but she was still a bit worried nonetheless. It also wasn’t too long before Janis arrived at the destination she had in mind. 

She parked the car but left the engine on. Tapping your shoulder, she said, “We’re here.” 

You stirred in your sleep a little bit but woke up soon enough. Where the hell were you?

You squinted your eyes again, trying to get used to the dim surroundings. “Where are we? Did you take me to this secluded place to murder me? I’m shocked.” 

“Woah, woah.” She snickered, “Calm down, I’m not Jade West plotting something against Tori Vega.” Then you saw her turn to face you, shifting in her seat. Janis unbuckled your seatbelt and you were so taken aback, you held your breath. You couldn’t exactly see that since it was dark. You just felt it until you saw her look right into your eyes. “Hi~”

Well, there it goes. You were blushing— again. God, why is she so pretty?!

“Where are we?”

“A place… to eat our pizza that wouldn’t hurt your eyes and your head.” Janis grinned cheekily, getting out from the driver’s side and opened your door for you. Sticking her hand out, you held onto it without even processing what you just did. You were…spacing out a little.

You blinked profusely, snapping back into reality when you felt a tap on your nose. “I know you’re recovering from a concussion, babe. But don’t scare me like that.”

“Sorry, I just— sorry—” You rambled. She leads you a little ways away from her car. 

She laughed, finding this so freaking cute. “It’s okay, ‘cause you’re cute.” Janis squeezes your hand, brushing her thumb over your knuckles, “Sit down.” You two were now standing under a tree. She sat down on the grass, then you followed suit a second later. 

“Okay, eat up.” Janis opened up the box containing the hot honey pepperoni pizza first for you, “It’s still warm.”

“Is this—”

“Yup.”

Now you were the one smiling like an idiot. “Wow, thanks.” You chuckled.

“No problem.” She said back, helping herself to a slice. 

As you munched on your own slice, you finally got the chance to look up and around you. You saw the stars, and were quickly in awe. “Okay, this is amazing. Thank you for taking me here.” 

“Hey, I wasn’t going to let you suffer under bright lights and neon signs if that means you can’t have a good time tonight.” Janis replied, “Now that I think of it, you’re not gonna puke are you?” 

“Not anytime soon, I don’t think.” You answered with a laugh, “I also have a touch of emetophobia so I’m just lucky I was that out of it in the hospital.” 

“Aw.”

“I deal with it.” You shrugged.

“Of course, but if you need anything let me know how to help, okay?”

You only nodded since your mouth was full. “I bought drinks too, what do you want? Water or Sprite?”

“Water’s good.” You replied, glancing at her. She opened the cap for you and you took it from her, mumbling a soft thank-you. “Um, also, earlier today…Regina came over to talk to me. But instead, I told her I knew about what she wrote  about me in that dumb book. Told her I couldn’t picture myself with her at all because she’s never made me feel comfortable in her presence— ever.”

“She didn’t give you too much trouble, I hope.” 

“No, actually. I said all that to her, and she proceeded to tell me she basically did what she did because she didn’t know how to deal with her feelings for a girl. She didn’t know it was okay to like a girl, and thought that if she bullied me or you for that matter…that her feelings would change.” You sighed, “I feel for her, but she did hurt me. I didn’t know why, and even if I do now…it doesn’t change the past.” 

“It must be difficult too since your moms are friends.” 

“We only had to spend time in the same place because our moms wanted to hang out sometimes. She didn’t talk to me, I didn’t talk to her. It was really tense and awkward though.” 

“I bet.” Janis smiled, understanding deeply, “Okay, so enough about that. Tell me…about you.” 

“Not much going on in my life, Janis.” You shrugged, “Parents know I’m gay, Dad hates it, hates me. Mom pretends to not acknowledge it around him. But I know she’s okay with it. I mean…I don’t tell her things because I’m still a bit cautious about it since she might tell my Dad. But yeah.” 

“Luckily for me, my parents are both okay with it. My mom’s bi actually.” Janis said back, “I also know that thanks to my culture, with what I was taught from a young age about the people of my home…I didn’t have to hide it. I just existed. And then I came over to the mainland and all of a sudden it’s a big deal.”

“I love that you’re so…you.” You laughed awkwardly, “Okay that’s so random, you get it, right? Like I went out to lunch with a girl from my class in freshmen year and I kept thinking people were staring at me because they were thinking that I was on a date. But no it wasn’t. At that point I wasn’t even out yet, but I knew that I definitely liked girls. I just wasn’t sure yet if I only liked girls.”

“Trying to figure that out can be tough, honey.” Janis nodded, remembering her own experience. “It’s like, it’s a natural attraction for us but actually knowing that it has a label? Like woah.” 

————

“Well, this is you, pretty girl.” Janis’ car slowed to a stop in front of your house— almost four hours later.

“Thanks for driving me home.”

“Of course.” Janis flashes you a smile, “Good night, y/n.” 

“Night, Janis.” You smiled back, “Thanks for dinner.” 

“Anytime, y/n. Anytime.” Janis leaned closer to you and just held your face in her hand, “And um, tonight’s not a date. I’ll be texting you soon about the deets for our very first one”

“Feels like it to me.” You sulked, “What do you mean it wasn’t?”

She laughed, stroking your cheek, “Okay, but officially, officially— we’re going to this ceramic painting thing on Friday.” 

“Oh.” You smiled excitedly, “On Friday?”

“Mhm.” She confirmed, chuckling at your excitement, “We have a half day so I’ll pick you up at 3 if you wanna change or anything.”

“Alrighty, sounds good.” You nodded, face still in her hand. Inches away from hers. Janis tilted her head as if it was a silent ask. You gave her a look and she just smooched you on the cheek, the kiss soft and sweet. Fluttering like it was a butterfly— kinda tickled, but not enough to make you laugh,

“Good night, Janis.” You told her, in a hurry to get out of her sight because you felt like you were going to explode or die from embarrassment because your cheeks got so hot.

“Sweet dreams, pretty girl.”

Best night ever? Yeah. 

You couldn’t wait for Friday. You also couldn’t wait to go back to school tomorrow— you were going to be able to see her every other class thanks to your schedule for that day. So you were beyond happy about that, and to have some level of normalcy in your life again.

Friday rolled around pretty quick, and you were relieved because the school week was over. Once the last bell let out, you rushed to Janis’ locker. Damian beat you to it. “Hey, girl.” 

“Oh!” You gasped, “Hi. I’m just— waiting for—”

“Janis? I know.” He laughed, “This is exciting. About time, though.”

You bit back a laugh, “Okay. Good to see you too, I uh— I’m a little nervous, not gonna lie.”

“Oh, don’t be. She really likes you.”

“I know, it’s just. A thing—”

“First date?” He asked knowingly.

You nodded, sulking. “So?”

“You’ll be fine—”

“Hey, dude. What’re ya saying to her that’s got her sulking.” Janis appeared, putting an arm around your shoulder.

“Nothing bad, y’all.” He clutched his chest dramatically, “Just assuring her that everything is gonna be fine. She’s nervous.”

“Damian!” You chided.

“What? She’s gonna know anyway.” 

“I’ll see you on Sunday.” Janis said, looking at Damian, “Leave her alone.”

You decided your outfit was fine so you just followed Janis to her place. She lived in the garage, she pretty much had her own little apartment in this space. “This is pretty cool.” 

“Happened because of a ‘my roof my rules’ argument. This garage is a separate building, so it’s technically my roof.” Janis explained, “I’m just gonna get changed real quick then we can go, yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah. Take your time.” You slowly sat on her couch. You hear her walking behind you and the sound of a door opening— her wardrobe. Obviously you knew that she was getting changed so you just stared at whatever was in front of you. “Why are you so quiet all of a sudden?” She nearly snorted. 

“Just waiting for you, Janis. I’m okay.” 

She changed into this fluffy green and black striped cropped sweater, and dark grey ripped jeans. Then, her usual black Converses were swapped out for dark green ones. “Let’s go.” She took your hand into hers and walked the short distance to her car like this with you.

During the drive, you two just chatted about anything that came to mind. You and Janis were so engrossed in the conversation that you didn’t even realise that you were already at the workshop. 

You picked out a mug, and so did she. You were just having fun with your painting but Janis was absolutely in her element. You knew she was an artist, and you’ve seen her art pieces…you’ve just never seen her in action. You never thought you would. You could not believe you were on a date with Janis ’Imi’ike.

“You painting that for me?” She snickered.

“Are you?” You went along with it.

“Actually, yeah.” Janis smiled, taking a sneaky peek at you.

“Oh.”

“Don’t be so surprised.” Janis chuckled, “If you’re that surprised by this, what’s gonna happen during my next surprise?”

“Your next—”

She had this mischievous grin on her face again, it was awfully endearing. 

“I’m just waiting to ask you out again, y/n.” That grin doesn’t leave her face. She glances at you then was equally quick to return her focus to her little project. Two hours and two painted mugs later, you walked out of there with paint splatters all over your white t-shirt. Most of which were intentionally done by Janis to make you laugh. It worked, and also pretty much got a new shirt— kinda. It actually looked good. 

“You wanna go for pizza?”

“Not really.” You answered, still holding her hand. 

“Not hungry?” Janis asked, checking the time on her watch.

“Not with my head trying to kill me.” 

“Let’s go home.” Janis looked at you sadly, snaking a careful arm around your waist while the both of you walked through the lot to locate her car. “You okay to spend the night?”

“Yeah, definitely better than being home and having to hear my Dad yell at her. They got into it again last night.”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to worry about it for the night at least. It’ll be nice and quiet at mine.” Janis kissed the back of your hand. Hearing the chirp of her car, you opened the passenger door promptly and got seated. Janis also wasted no time and began driving once you had buckled your seatbelt. “Do you mind if I nap?” 

“No, not at all. But, if the headache’s are still going on…it’s been two weeks already. Might be a good thing to tell your doctor that.” 

“I’ll call Monday.” You answered quietly, eyes half open. 

“Alright.” She didn’t press for more information out of you, obviously. You were uncomfortable right now with the persistent headache after the concussion. Fucking Shane. 

You woke up right as Janis stopped the car and turned the engine off. “Right on time.” She smiled sweetly, “Let’s get you settled then you can get some proper sleep.” 

“What? It’s so early.” You couldn’t help but laugh a bit. 

“A proper nap. After you take something for your headache.” She corrected herself, taking you by the hand and leading you inside the house through the front door, “Just grabbing the meds, water and something to eat so it doesn’t hurt your stomach. Ibuprofen might work better for you if Tylenol doesn’t help.

You didn’t object, knowing she was most likely right. Also the pain, was a little too much right now. That tended to make you a little more withdrawn than usual. “Are you sure you don’t want to see a doctor? Because a head injury is no joke—”

“I’m good, I just need to tough it out.” 

You sat down on Janis' bed, she handed you a granola bar and you unwrapped it so you could eat it, and the ibuprofen then take a nap. “Here.”

“Thank you.”

“Need anything else?”

You silently shook your head. After eating half of the bar, you popped the pill into your mouth and gulped the pill with a swig of water. “If you want to change into something more comfy…I’ve got you covered.”

“It’s okay, Jan. I just want to sleep this off.”

Janis sat next to you, ultimately deciding to lay down next to you. “I’m sorry you’re in pain.” 

“I’ll be okay.” You let out a frustrated sigh, turning to lay on your side. You met her gaze. She caresses your cheek, “It’s okay if you don’t feel good , you know? Don’t have to hide it with me. I wanna help you.”

You exhaled slowly, licking your lips. A painful lump was forming in your throat. You swallowed harshly, “I know, it’s just not easy for me to…ask…for help.”

“That’s alright, I know this feeling. You’re okay. I promise, you’re safe with me.”

🏷️Tag list:

@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @ludoesartandstuff @pda128

[goodolddumbbanana]

So I am right, apparently. Moon has toasted the shit out of Nexus.

Poor boy. Getting eliminated by the "superior" version of himself, must leave a burn.

(man, if I have my old self call me cringe and emo, and my name is oc teenage phase, I would die from embarrassment.)

Also, even though Sun doesn't actually say anything, but with his hesitation and he speaks Nexus's name with the tone of parents seeing their child walk into their emo teenage phase and change their name into something cringe like "Dark princess or sparkle pony", make me laugh.

Like, Sun has to repeat that name again. Like he didn't even believe why Moon or Nexus said that.

(Moo--Nexus, I guess you are not past your furry phase yet.)

Okay, sidenote: Nexus mistakes Sun's name with him. And it seems like he has not completely gone nuts and cut ties with his "family" yet, because he still cares what Sun thinks about him, even though it comes out as sass.

(If Nexus doesn't give coins about what Sun or the family thinks about him, he wouldn't think about making another murders or assuming immediately that Sun and the others hate him and don't want him.

Also, the way Nexus talks about Sun, it gives me a vibe of "Sun is the most ill mentally person that I know and he is so sensitive about me went nuts, he immediately went with you and lived in another house.")

I think in Nexus's view, Sun is the snowflake. Because even though he used to love Sun, he sometimes jokes about Sun's hallucinating episodes (sorry, can't remember the name of this mental issues problem) and down straight humiliation Sun because of it when Nexus went nuts.

I think Nexus still holds some pieces of his care for Sun, because it seems like he tries to avoid talking about him .

Another sidenote, I see some people say Old Moon gets along really well with the others and the family just forgets and replaces Nexus with Moon, which I must say is outrageous not true.

Nexus right now is still a hard spot for everyone. No one is coping very well, with Earth doubting her ability and wanting to have a pet just to vent out all his problems; Lunar seems like out of track, he is just numbing himself and doesn't want to think about Nexus. (Classic trauma defense reflex)

Especially Sun. You can see his voice shift into something like he can't breathe and seemingly shaking just like how he talked with Jack. He doesn't seem to care about Moon's jokes about Nexus (how Nexus the dumb one, how Nexus tries to have an intelligent battle with him...) and immediately just wants to step back and sit down.

Old Moon or Moon doesn't actually get along with Sun. They are pretty awkward with each other, when Moon still tries his best to prove that he is better now while still a little bit falls in the same good old Moon's manner. Only now he has not hit Sun or directly yells at Sun to shut up.

We can see some moments, when Sun just immediately shuts down, and doesn't talk back to Moon.

(remember the gravel's history? Sun has spent 10 hours rambling it to Nexus. He is also pretty much more confident and comfortable with Nexus than Moon, cuz we rarely see them play games with each other anymore these days and Sun usually is very quiet when Moon says something outrageous about Nexus or when Moon is doing something stupid. )

It seems like they had not found their dynamic yet.

In the old old Moon and Sun. Moon will take the lead and Sun even though nervously, still happily tagging along. With Nexus and Sun, they are seemingly both equal, with Nexus feels like he is the younger brother to Sun. Nexus is still the one who leads, but feels like Sun has to tag along by force and has a ball to stand up for himself.

(he is still nervously though. He seems to hardly care or impressed anymore. Sun in those moments just gives up on trying to do anything because all his efforts are seemingly useless and he just leaves Nexus and Solar having fun. )

And now, it seems like when Moon tries to support Sun and hear Sun out, to be a better brother, Sun just accidentally falls back into his old habits with Moon.

( Be quiet when Moon needs. Don't talk back to him. Do as he says. Don't be stupid and impulsive.)

Sure he is getting better at having a backbone and stand up for himself. But It is ironic that right now Sun is exactly what Moon wants Sun to be back then.

So yeah, I think their dynamic now still has a lot of problems that can be improved and I am really eager to see more of how Moon tries to bribe Sun and the celestial family into getting comfortable with him, and him being smartass while trying to sneakly replace and flushed every single piece of Nexus's appearance out of celestial family's life.

F@cking a@shole, but he is kind of funny right now though with how he just like Nexus, accidentally makes Sun can't talk about the others because he doesn't like seeing Nexus in better light.

#Also, do you guys think Sun would think deeply about Nexus when he stays alone? Like how Dark Sun tries to get rid of Nexus, and how Nexus still willingly stays and works with him.

#Do you guys think how Nexus would rather go off railed and associated with some one danger and use him than staying with his family would make Sun think he is a bad brother?

Like he used to not be good enough for Moon, now he is not good enough for Nexus?

How does he have no energy to keep it together anymore and not even care if he upset Moon to some degree?

(like Sun becomes more sassier, and I can say, a little bit of colder. Sure, he still cares for Moon, and keeps his mouth shut when it comes to sensitive topics.

But He was rarely impressed by the mafia and sass Moon so much in jail. He doesn't argue back with Moon and just shut up like he gets tired of that and just changes topics. He straight out calls Moon out for his bullshit about his technology, about how weird it is, and just doesn't even care if Moon tells or doesn't tell him anything.

He seems to have a trauma response of how Moon gets injured though. He is so scared of hurting Moon, making every magic come out of him all just harmless. Turning people into goose, making rock into rubber fish. He immediately runs back at Moon when he thinks Moon is in danger , and just straight walks away when Sun realizes it's just another of Moon's bullshit thing.

[zombee]

i am now canyon public enemy #1 on Twitter for the Doug obituary. the buzzword of the day is bully, never mind I was screenshotted and swarmed (someone unblocked me to call me "a massive cunt." perhaps we have different definitions of the word bully!) I've also been called unsafe, because i guess writing a fake obituary that is at worst in poor taste is dangerous somehow.

i am so tired of the chokehold the canyon has on this fandom. we have been coddling them since day one. when the proto canyon ruined this character for me in early days, I quietly stopped writing him into my fics. I was careful not to be anti canyon or even izzy on main (BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT THE SAME THING). but after season 2, when dozens and dozens of canyonites came out to berate and harass David? nah. I stopped censoring myself. i still barely say fucking ANYTHING on main, but I don't ignore it anymore. the obituary wasn't even posted on my TL - it was in a reply!

but they still hate me, and do you know why? because after season 2 we weren't allowed to TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH WE LOVED THIS SHOW. because the canyon is such a loud fucking minority they made us feel bad! for loving the show! we all spent a year and a half collectively loving!!! so that's why I made my Hit Television Series Our Flag Means Death posts. I'm a believer in not qualifying your positivity - not, "i don't care what the haters say, I loved it!" just, "i loved it!" which is relevant because once again I was not even alluding to them!!! i was simply expressing joy and optimism about this amazing show.

so now here we are, close to a year of these fucking people dancing on the grave of this precious show, and I make one mean meme and I'm the bully. okay.

but i expect it from them. it's the folks who have been following me and my work for months and years that see one screenshot and say, oh, no. how terrible. what a bully. never mind two and a half years of positivity and seeing the measure of my character through my work, this is it.

and why?? to coddle THE CANYON??

and by the fucking way, if the original obituary was just cringe, if it just said "I'm sad, this isn't fun anymore, I'm out" then that would be fine! but it's NOT! what it actually says is, "David Jenkins et al are homophobic and those of you simpletons who like Ed and Stede are barely queer. the divide in this fandom that we did not cause, because we are the victims, have made things unsafe for us, a group based around liking a fictional character." BE SO FOR REAL!

so cool. i made one shitty meme and then instead of it being passed along in group chats and dms I was screenshotted, vilified, called names. one person said I was "punching down" because as we all know the canyon is an oppressed class. i was also kicked out of a canyon centric group chat for galaxycon Columbus (did NOT know it was when I joined, lol) which I expected. and the mods were genuinely very chill.... except when they tagged me by name and username on the announcement page 🥴 they did edit it, again they were chill, but if you are ostensibly ANTI BULLY AND ANTI DOXXING, perhaps fucking think about that! Jesus!

strictly by the numbers I am one of the biggest writers in this fandom. and I'm unapologetic about loving my work. if there's one thing miserable people hate, it's being popular and not humble enough about it, so I already had a target on my back. and for the ultimate crime of loving the hit television series our flag means death loudly and proudly i might actually have to leave ofmdtwt. I'm sick with it. fuck.

[whyse7vn]

DRUNK MESSAGES -

[ ot7 x reader ]

TAEHYUNG -

tae: i jusT fellll heaD first onto the floor

y/n: LMAO

did someone record it

tae: not sure

should i do it again and record it for you?

y/n: no it’s okay

where did you fall from?

tae: kitchen counter

y/n: are you having fun?

tae: yeah

y/n: good

tae: head hurts

y/n: shouldn’t of fell

tae: what if i died

y/n: that would of sucked

tae: i wouldn’t be able to tell you i died

y/n: i’m sure someone would tell me

tae: no

y/n: no?

tae: ¿

y/n: ok tae

tae: i’m soh ok

y/n: i didn’t ask if you were ok i just-

nvm

i’m glad

tae: thanks

thinking about the instagram thing rn

y/n: what instagram thing?

tae: wHen i followed gennie by accident 😓

y/n: you mean jennie?

tae: that’s what i said

y/n: that was so random why are you thinking about that rn?

was so long ago i am very much over it love

tae: i can think what i wanna think

omgggg r u mad at me rn ?!

y/n: no i’m not mad

tae: goof

goij

goon

googd

good

thank you

i’m going now

i have things to do

y/n: ok have fun love

tae: i was born 2 fun

YOONGI -

yoongi:

y/n: um

yoongi: why is it unknown

why don’t they know who said it

y/n: i have no idea

yoongi: let’s find out

y/n: how are we going to find out

yoongi: i’ll ask everyone here and you can ask people on the street

y/n: i feel like that would take a long time

and what if someone lies to us?

what then??

yoongi: omg

ur so right

but i cant take it i need it know who said it

y/n: i love you for what you are all that you’ve been and all that you will be

see look

i said it

problem solved

yoongi: omg you cant do that

y/n: just did

yoongi: NO

y/n: why?

yoongi: you didn’t say it

y/n: i think i did

yoongi: it’s not your quote

y/n: how do you know

it actually is my quote i am claiming it

yoongi: YOU CANT

y/n: WHY NOT

yoongi: YOU DIDNT MAKE IT UP

y/n: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT

yoongi: CUZ I KNOW

y/n: yoongi

yoongi: what

y/n: it’s my quote i said it i made it up it belongs to me

yoongi: i cant accept this

pls leave me alone for the next 2 hours

y/n: why 2 hours?

yoongi: because that’s when i’ll be over it

y/n: how do you know that

what if you’re over it in the next 10 mins

yoongi: STAY AWAY FROM ME

YOU AND YOUR SICK LITTLE MIND

y/n: omg

clam down i say!

idk if i like drunk you tbh

yoongi: i am not drunk

being drunk is a mindset i don’t partake in

y/n: i think you’re wrong

yoongi: i have never been wrong in my life

y/n: you were wrong about the quote…

yoongi: i’ve decided not to speak with you anymore

JIMIN -

jimin: heard you fucking with namjoon now 🥱

y/n: for the last time jimin i will not give in to ur little role play fantasy

jimin: always knew you were a little slut

y/n: just imagined you saying that irl and almost threw up

jimin: cat got your tongue?

y/n: ew

cringing so hard rn

jimin: who knew you were so ….

pussy

y/n: jimin what

jimin: how ironic

y/n: ????

jimin: splendid

y/n: LMAO SPLENDID??

jimin: is this not hot?

y/n: no.

jimin: oh

y/n: you just said words

jimin: did my words not make you wet?

y/n: did the opposite actually

jimin: oh

y/n: yeah

maybe you should stop drinking

jimin: happy new year

y/n: fuck off

jimin: i deserved that

JUNGKOOK -

jungkook: hay

y/n: no you are not ugly

no i would never leave you for tae or ironman

yes we will be together forever

i would still love you if you were a worm

i don’t care that you cry during sex

i think your sock collection is cute

your eyes are pretty

it’s okay you left me with bam today

no i am not hungry

i am in my bed rn

yes i will wait up for you

you do make me happy

it’s okay that you are a crybaby

yes i love you too

jk: how did yoju kno i was gonna ask?

y/n: you literally said hay instead of hey

jk: sjo?

y/n: ur spelling always sucks when ur drunk

and no it doesn’t bother me

also you ask me the same questions every time you are drunk

that also doesn’t bother me

jk: OMjfG

Ur like insane 😧

like thaTs so freaky bae

ur a frek

fork

fr

freak 😈

*���🤯

dijdt mean the naughty y emoj

my fault

😨😈😈😈😈😈😣

y/n: it’s okay

jk: lejt me turn auto corrected on

y/n: why is it off?

jk: sjo i can fell smart

wairttt here

y/n: waiting

jk: dojne

wtf why isn’t it work

working

FUCK

sorry for shouting

y/n: it’s okay bby

jk: send nudes

y/n: so now you can spell??

that’s crazy

i’m sick of being nice to you tbh

jk: L

+ radio

rodeo

rode

race

radddd

radio

ratio

y/n: 😐

jk: rate my rizz 1-10

y/n: i won’t

jk: why ☹️

y/n: ur gonna end up crying

jk: would you still love me if i said uwu

y/n: you literally do say that

jk: okay???

hope off my dick bro

hoop

hop

hop

ping

pong

omg play the ping pong

they are broke yk?

y/n: hyuna and dawn?

jk: i literally just said that?

y/n: fuck y-

nvm

go back to your little party

jk: are you made at me

mars

made

maid

made

mad mad mad

?

y/n: no

just want you to have fun

jk: i am having fun

i am talking to you

wtf is thijs not fun for you???????????????????

y/n: it is

but i want you to have fun with your friends bby

jk: oh o k

what if i start a meth lab

y/n: what

jk: sorry

i donr even know what meth actually is

i wanted to look call

col

cooolll

y/n: when are you coming home

jk: what even is home

like when you thjnk about it

what i s a home

y/n: …

jk: you freaky?

😭😋😈🧟‍♂️

y/n: …

are you ok?

jk: can you come get me pls

HOSEOK -

hobi: WHORE

y/n: oh

hobi: SLUT

y/n: hello??

hobi: 🥰

y/n: thanks?

hobi: *🤬

y/n: oh

hobi: did i make you cry?

y/n: no

hobi: BITCH

y/n: are you trying to make me cry?

hobi: shut the fuck up 🤬🤬🤬

y/n: ….

do you need me to pick you up?

hobi: no

NO .

y/n: what do you want then

hobi: FUCK YOU

y/n: you are so lucky you are drunk and not at home

hobi: 😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜

y/n: bitch

hobi: ur mother

y/n: don’t make me come there

hobi: cum

y/n: don’t try me happy feet

hobi: DONT CALL ME THAT

y/n: or what?

hobi: calling ur birther

y/n: you called her a bitch i’m sure she’ll understand

hobi: go away

y/n: thought we were having fun :(

hobi: love u

y/n: love u too

come home soon

hobi: ok

i lied

i hate it there

y/n: fine don’t come come

hobi: wtf why would you even say that

y/n: go away

i don’t have the time nor energy today

hobi: ur mother has no time or energy tbh

y/n: tbh ur about to be single

hobi: tbh i never liked you anyways

y/n: how about you leave me alone

hobi: how how about you DIE

y/n: omg????

hobi: blue hour!

y/n: txt hates you

hobi: ARE YOU SICK

TAKE IT BACK RNRNRNRNRNRN

y/n: and won’t

hobi: NAUR MATE YOU BETTER

omg sorry the australian slipped out of me

happens sometimes

it’s like my hidden super power

by day i’m humble korean man born and raised

by night the auzzie takes control

i’m like venom omg

this that pink venom

no

this that auzzie venom

get em get em get em

me in blackpink when

y/n: never i pray 🙏🏽

hobi: :/

cuz it’s you ur the one that i want

y/n: L

hobi: is for the way you look at me

look at us doing a little duet aren’t we cute 🥰

y/n: bye get home safe

SEOKJIN -

jin: just leaked your nudes

it’s okay because you looked good in them

y/n: HELLO WHAT?

jin: they saw bae 😓😓😓

y/n: THEY???

jin: the guys saw your tits bae 😰

y/n: HOW ??

jin: ur tiddies are my lock screen

but don’t worry i ate the polaroid

y/n: WHAT????)/)/

jin: i ate it

y/n: WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU WHY DID YOU EAT IT. ??

jin: so they couldn’t see

y/n: why would they see the polaroid?

jin: after seeing some of you they might want more

i couldn’t have that

and they know i keep the polaroid in my wallet z

y/n: how do they know?

jin: cuz i told them

y/n: why would you tell them?

jin: so they wouldn’t take it

y/n: but you ate it because you thought they would take it?

jin: yeah

y/n: 🤨

something ain’t right there

jin: everyone thinks your hot tho

y/n: they think i’m hot because they saw my tits ?

jin: no it’s because of the video

y/n: ?????

WHAT VIDEO??

jin: the one i showed them last week

y/n: LAST WEEK???

jin: yeah

are you mad 🥺?

y/n: i’m going to beat the fuck outta you

jin: that isn’t legal

y/n: you have 10 minutes to get yourself home

jin: oh

NAMJOON -

namjoon: i cant see straight rn

but that’s okay

y/n: is it?

namjoon: what if we had kids rn

y/n: LMAO

moving on

it was so cold today

namjoon: i’ll keep you warm

y/n: thanks

namjoon: i am a rapper

y/n: you are

namjoon: do you think i’m good at it

y/n: i think you’re the best at it

namjoon: woah

okay

freak

y/n: fuck you

i lied you SUCK

namjoon: aw man

y/n: get better

the first 3 words of arson ended ur career tbh

namjoon: mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

tbis is real upsetting yk?

y/n: should of took my compliment and left

but you had to call me a freak

namjoon: i take it back

would you still love me if i was jungkook?

y/n: what

namjoon: would you?

y/n: um

i guess so?

namjoon: so ur a cheater

good to know

y/n: what

am i high rn or are you?

namjoon: i don’t do coke?

y/n: what

namjoon: shut the hell up

y/n: so it is you

thought i was going insane for a second

namjoon: i’m not even real

y/n: sucks

namjoon: ikr

y/n: who have i been kissing on this whole time then?

namjoon: probably jungkook idk..

y/n: does jungkook make you feel insecure or something??

why are we talking about him rn

namjoon: i might as well kms i cant belive you just said that to me

don’t look at me don’t speak to me don’t perceive me at ALL

y/n: yikes

forgive me 🥺🙏🏽

namjoon: it’s too late

namjoons and jimins ones flopped so bad but it’s okay. as you can tell got a bit carried away with jungkooks one 🤭🤭. you should know by now my shit is never proof read!gc stuff soon 🙏🏽 ALSO FEEL SOSOSO FREE TO GIVE ME IDEAS OR REQUEST PLS I FR NEED THEM LOVE YOU ALL XOXOX

[somberjoon]

METANOIA [6]

✩ pairing: wolf hybrid nj x cheetah hybrid reader (f) - eventual ot7 x reader

✩ genre: soul-searching , romance🔞 , found-family , healing , angst , happy ending

✩ word count: 3.8k

✩ chapter warnings: uncertainty in behavior and emotions , anxiety , brief mention of weight and a regularly scheduled pap smear (i know these appointments can be uncomfortable to a certain extent so the section with this appointment is marked with * at the start and end)

✩ summary: She doesn't know. There is so much about her and her cheetah that she hasn't had the privilege to understand. Unknown backgrounds and unknown emotions clash with feelings of want- hopes of being herself unapologetically. Namjoon seems to be someone that can help her- but can the rest of his pack truly be what she has wanted and needed?

✩ cover: me

ch.1 , ch.2 , ch.3 , ch.4 , ch.5 , ch.6 , ch.7

✩ disclaimer: this is not proof read like my other chapters, nor does it have too much going on. I am in my last couple weeks of Winter term as a full time student, so I apologize, but the content is short and simple. I think this still had some sweet progress for Y/N and she's my baby so it's fine. Next week's and the upcoming updates will hopefully be longer and have more content,,,I have quite a long way to go for being 6 chapters in, so I apologize for that as well :[

Y/N

As Taehyung pays for breakfast, Y/N stands and checks her phone she forgot was on silent. She doesn’t like the abrupt sound, but she always forgets to turn the vibration on at the start of the day. 

Surprisingly, a message from Namjoon is at the top of the notifications. A message from almost an hour ago. 

‘Good morning, Y/N! I hope your day is going well. Checking in to see if Taehyung is with you?’ 

Just as she goes to type back a reply, her phone shows an incoming call from Namjoon. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey, I’m sorry to call, but I got worried that neither you or Taehyung were answering my messages. Is he with you?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry, I thought you would’ve known he was here. He just showed up at the house and we just got done going out to eat. Do you need to talk to him, I can get him for you.”

“No no, it’s fine. I’m just glad you both are okay- he didn’t let me know he was leaving this morning. Was breakfast good? I’d imagine he took you to that little diner?”

“He did! It was really good.”

“I’m glad you liked it. But, if you’re uncomfortable going out or with anything at all just let him know okay? I don’t want you to go out of your comfort zone if you’re not ready.” She smiles at the kind words, missing Namjoon greatly all of a sudden and wishing he was on the trip with them. 

“I’m okay, he’s been really sweet and-” she looks back to make sure Taehyung is still at the counter. “He offered to help me with my cheetah. He’s giving me advice.” She can’t help her giddy voice coming out to tell him. 

“I knew he’d bring it up sooner or later. My point stands though, if there’s something that makes you uncomfortable just let him know. Like I said before, he has more primal tendencies than the rest of us, so it’ll be great for you, but it may be too much at times.”

“I will let him know if it’s too much. He needs to go shopping as well, so if we don’t answer you that’s the reason.” She stops for a second but can’t stop a confession from pushing forward before the call is over. “I wish you were with us.” She tries not to cringe at the words, waiting anxiously for a reply. 

“I wish I was with you as well, it sounds fun!” A quiet sigh leaves her, her heart rate picking up a bit. “But, I’m glad you guys are spending time together. Let me know if you get tired of walking, I’ll come get you guys- I’ll let Tae know as well, okay?”

“Okay-” Taehyung walks back up to the table to show he’s done. “Taehyung just got back, we’re gonna go now.”

“Okay, be careful, please.”

“We will, byebye.” 

“Byebye.” Namjoon copies, leaving her with a giddy look on her face. She looks up at Taehyung to find his phone in her face. 

“We should share numbers now, too.” Taehyung says with that small pout on his face. 

-

Taehyung leads her to the place he wanted to shop. The small shop resides in a strip mall that is quite busy despite the early time on a weekday. It’s a pretty place that has shops lining each side of a street-sized walkway. The walkway is filled with pretty beds of trees and plants, and stringed lights above them cross back and forth. She truly loves how it looks, and would like to come back at night despite knowing that it would be far more busy then. She’d risk it just to see the lights lit up. 

The shop is a little place that carries art supplies Y/N has never seen. Whenever Taehyung stops to peruse a certain spot, she finds herself reaching out to touch the soft brushes or run her finger across the scratchy canvases. 

She doesn’t pay attention to exactly what he picks up because she doesn’t recognize anything anyways. Only one thing catches her attention over everything. Sticks of brightly colored material wrapped in paper sit perfectly in a package. There are many different ones in different packaging, but they all look relatively the same. She can’t help but look over the vast array of colors and the bright pigment of them. 

“Taehyung, what is this?” Taehyung stops looking at some other sticks that are only black to see what she’s searching for. 

“Oil pastels. You want them?”

“No. They’re just really pretty, what are they for?”

“Whatever you want,” he shrugs, grabbing the largest pack on the shelf with the most colors and setting them in his handheld basket. “They are soft and creamy, so the pigment and color on the outside is the true color once you use them, and they’re good for blending colors together.”

“I told you I didn’t want them, I just wanted to know.”

“Maybe I just wanted some.”

“Lying isn’t a good way to start our friendship.”

“Our friendship will live.” He says with a shrug, leaving her with an annoyed expression.

Taehyung walks off, going back to an aisle they had already been in to grab something she can’t immediately see. She follows him again, heading up to the register and finally seeing the extra pads of paper he grabbed in a few sizes. She knows that if she questioned it he wouldn’t budge on anything she suggested, so instead she gives him an irritated look that he can’t even see. It doesn’t last long, though. 

Taehyung takes his bag of supplies in one hand, and with the other he grabs her hand suddenly as he pulls her from the shop. She looks down to see his large hand wrapped with an assured grip around hers. 

“There’s lots of people now, I don’t want you to be too far from me.” He explains. She looks up to find he’s right. The crowd has grown larger despite the shop they were in being almost bare. 

“Okay.” Is all she can say. She’d rather be close enough to him to not get swept up in the crowd. Taehyung is the most familiar person around, so the skinship becomes the least of her worries. As he walks, many scents and looks from others give her an anxious feeling she’s still not used to. The familiar scent of Taehyung is lost despite her close proximity to him. She tightens her grip on his hand and uses her other hand to grasp at the lower part of his arm, using the closer proximity this causes to press her face close to his arm as well. The proximity calms her well enough to follow his lead closely and exit the strip mall quickly. 

“Are you okay?” He asks as soon as they’re in a more secluded area outside the strip mall. She pulls away now that they’re mostly alone. 

“Yeah, I’m just not used to being around that many people yet.” She keeps her grip on Taehyung’s arm despite him setting the bag at his feet and freeing his hands to rub at her upper arms. The soothing emotion is an abrupt change of intimacy that she’s never experienced from anyone but Maria. Regardless of the fact, she quickly finds the motion and contact soothing. Slowly, she calms her nerves and focuses her eyes on a worried Taehyung. 

“I’m good.” She says with a sigh. 

“Good.” Taehyung doesn’t stop the soothing motion even though she finally evens her breathing and feels at ease. The motion seems to be soothing Taehyung as well, loosening his shoulders with each passing second. 

“Are you tired?” He asks as well. 

“A little. But, only ‘cus you keep doing that.” She gestures with her head to his arms. 

“It calms me too.” Is the only explanation he gives before stopping to take out his phone and send a text to someone and waits for a reply. “Namjoon is coming to pick us up, I don’t want to make you walk anymore.” 

“I’m okay, Taehyung.”

“You’ll be more okay if you can rest now.”

He’s not wrong. 

“Fine.”

Namjoon doesn’t take long to arrive at all, sending Taehyung a text that has him starting towards the strip mall’s parking lot with her hand in his again. There’s barely any people, but she doesn’t go against the gesture anyways. 

They spot the familiar sleek, black car, finding Namjoon standing outside of it to lean on the driver’s side door. 

Looking at Namjoon after seeing him no more than a day before, she can’t help but feel as though she misses him more and more the more she sees him. His sleek black clothing is far different than what he normally wears. The new look causes her to stare at the details. The sleek pants that fit him perfectly hang just above a pair of shiny black shoes. And his matching black, button-up shirt fits him even better- the cuffs folded up a couple times to reveal tan skin and a silver watch. Her staring seems to go unnoticed before Taehyung gives her a little nudge. 

“What?” She asks, looking up at Namjoon as he smiles at her with quiet anticipation. He doesn’t answer verbally, but spreads his arms out wider for her to take the offer if she’d like. A hug. She immediately recognizes the soft Namjoon she knows, forgetting the fancy look to take in his scent and the appreciation of him actually being here. She lets go of Taehyung to jump into Namjoon’s arms. This time, she’s reaching up to put her arms around his shoulders. His arms envelope her immediately, adding to the warmth Taehyung instilled in her earlier. She searches for his scent unapologetically, sadly finding that there is barely any scent. 

“Why can’t I smell you?” She practically whines into the neck of his shirt. 

“I’m sorry, I had to go into the office today for a hybrid client, so my scent needed to be covered with natural perfumes.” 

“I hate it.” She draws a rumbling laugh out of him that has her insides turning. 

“Noted. Did you have fun?” He asks as she finally pulls away. A now empty handed Taehyung takes her spot, getting a peck from Namjoon that she turns away from to give them privacy. 

“I did.” She answers right as Taehyung pulls away as well. 

Looking at the two she suddenly feels extremely out of place. Her dress is never better than sweats and t-shirts, but they seem to have an array of clothes with different purposes. As she picks at the wrist of her long-sleeve shirt, she decides that clothes shopping is another addition to her list of to-do’s once she gets a job. 

“Ready to go home?” He asks as Taehyung slides into the backseat of the car. 

“Yeah.” She gives a placate smile, hoping to cheer herself up. She is tired anyways from the excursion. She can feel it in her eyes and the way her tail doesn’t tightly wrap around her waist anymore. 

“Let’s get the tired cubs home.” Namjoon brings his hand up to smooth down her hair and rub gently into her head. She instantly grows syrupy in feeling. His touch is always so comforting- that unused purr bubbles up again despite Namjoon only giving her the attention for a few seconds then directing her to the passenger front side of the car. He opens the door for her, even going as far as to make sure her head doesn’t hit the top of the car and leaning over her to buckle her in himself. Her cheeks heat at the extra gesture he’s never done before- her heart rate picking up again for the nth time today. She can’t stand being around them much longer if this is going to keep happening to her. 

“Thank you.” She says after he climbs in behind the wheel. She looks back to find Taehyung is already fast asleep, curled up in the seat rather than seated and seat-belted in. 

“He gets tired quickly, especially when he’s getting used to new routines.” Namjoon explains. “Are you too tired for a session today? Should I let the organization know?” 

“No.” She answers quickly enough to be embarrassed. “I like our time together, I don’t want to give it up. I just got anxious and Taehyung helped calm me down, but it was a little exhausting. I’ll be fine with a cat nap.” 

“A-ha! That was cute. Cat nap.” Namjoon actually giggles, despite how sophisticated he looks, making Y/N laugh with him. 

-

Namjoon

After dropping Y/N off at home, Namjoon makes it home with Taehyung curled up in the backseat. He easily lifts and carries the big cat in like a giant toddler- his legs wrapped around Namjoon’s waist and head tucked into his collar, while the bag of supplies dangles from his fingers locked under the cheetah’s thighs. Going up the stairs and kicking open their shared bedroom door, Namjoon deposits the still-sleeping cat onto the soft bed. Taehyung takes no time getting comfortable and knocking out fully again. 

After a shower and finishing some reports from the day’s office trip, Namjoon gets ready to leave for the organization when a call greets him instead. He answers without double-checking. 

“Hey, sweetie! I was checking to see if you were still planning on seeing Y/N today?” Unexpectedly, Maria is on the other side. 

“Oh hello. I was just getting ready to head over to the organization..why? Was something wrong?” A sinking in his gut greets him suddenly. 

“Oh, no no! Don’t worry. I just totally forgot that Y/N had one of her check-ups today, and-” Her voice lowers a few decibels. “Well, obviously we won’t be home for an hour or two, but she always gets a little down after her appointments. They’re just a vulnerable thing for her. So- today might not be the best.” Namjoon’s relief is sudden but doesn’t quell every anxious feeling. 

“Oh, that’s fine. Thank you for letting me know.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t let you know when you dropped her off earlier- I was just so proud she got out of the house by herself without me suggesting it first- I totally spaced it.”

“No worries, I appreciate the heads up and I hope everything goes well.” He says with a genuine air. 

“Of course. Thank you for all you do, I know she really enjoys having you around.” Namjoon gives a bitter smile only he can see. “I’ll let you go, though. Thank you for dropping her off, again- I’ll have to make you something extra tomorrow.” He gives her a soft laugh. 

“No need, I’ll see you then, Maria.” 

“Bye-bye, sweetie.”

-

Y/N

The worst about sitting in the waiting room of a doctor’s office is the anticipation of what’s to come-

And the awful staring. 

Y/N can’t tell if it’s because she’s a cheetah hybrid, or if she just looks odd in general sitting there. Is she wearing the right clothes? She still has no idea. She always considers her comfort first, especially when her clothes never felt right when she had no choice. She still has yet to venture and try new styles but- she’s at the doctor and is most comfortable in her usual clothing. If the stares are for her cheetah ears and the unseen tail that wraps around herself underneath her clothes- she’ll have to just let them stare then. There’s nothing secret about her cheetah, she won’t let that happen to herself again. She’s tired of hiding it. 

As she overthinks about being in the waiting room, the nurse calls her name after only a short while. Maria gives her hand a quick squeeze before letting her go on her own. She prefers to do this alone, but having Maria there after and before is much easier. She’s comforting in a way she hasn’t placed intentionally yet. She’s just happy she has a safe person in these events. 

“How are you today?” The nurse asks. Y/N can only guess that she’s a bear hybrid based on her cute, little rounded ears that poke out of her slick backed hair. The bun is always immaculate, no hair seems to be out of place. 

“I’m okay.” She answers honestly. “How are you?” 

“Good, thank you. We’ll go to the usual room.” She leads Y/N with an extended arm, letting her go first. The room is in the farther pods of rooms that have the equipment necessary for the check-up. 

*

“Here we are, go ahead and place your bottoms and underwear into the privacy bag once you’re finished- and go ahead and just sit on the table with the robe on when you’re ready. The doctor will give you a few extra minutes to settle in.” She instructs with the same smile as usual. Y/N only gives her the usual nod. 

The uncomfortable paper robe is one of the worst feelings. She can’t help but think about the thin, worn-out clothing she’d wear for weeks at a time. The memories clash with the uncomfortable appointment about to take place. Trying to find a silver lining, all she can think is that ‘at least she’s able to get medical treatment’, ‘at least her hybrid genes allowed her to stay mostly unharmed with survival instincts, ‘at least this isn’t as bad as her first dentist appointment’. She allows a small ‘pfft’ of a laugh out at that memory. She hasn’t had someone poking around in her mouth since she was young- the dentist wasn’t gentle in his cleaning. Even though her teeth held up well only thanks to the fact of her cheetah, she still had four cavities that needed work done. She was so mad at the dentist for the discomfort she felt. She wouldn’t even talk to him- like little kids ‘hmph’ and ignore an adult. 

knock knock

“All set, Y/N?” The always sure-sounding doctor asks through a crack in the door. 

“Yes.” 

“Great, how are you today?” Her warm voice asks, immediately going over to the sink to wash her hands thoroughly. 

“I’m okay.” 

“That’s good. Do you have anything you’d like to talk about specifically today? Any concerns?” 

“No.” 

“Alrighty then. It’ll just be the usual check-up that you’re used to. Go ahead and stand for me, we can get your weight first.” She appreciates the effort the staff put in to making her and the other patients comfortable. Maria told her that usually, doctors make you check your weight in the main halls before coming into the rooms. But here, the scales are in the rooms. She is relieved by that fact.

“Great,” She marks down the weight on her paper. “You gained a few pounds since I last saw you, that’s great progress towards your goal. Has the recommended diet been going well?” 

“I think so. I eat whatever Maria makes and I have been eating more when I go out.” She answers honestly. 

“That’s good! Go ahead and sit back up on the table- have you tried anything new?” 

“Breakfast sausage. Strawberry syrup.”

“Ooh that sounds good.” She gives her, always sounding comforting. With another wash of her hands, she’s guiding Y/N’s legs like usual into the stirrups that sit on either side of the table. A pair of gloves are slipped on as she gives her the usual information. 

“I’m just going to take a look like normal. Have you gotten your period?” Y/N sadly tells her no. She always worries that there’s something wrong with her now that she’s been informed on why she has never gotten in. Being underweight is a large part of her problem, and is probably the main reason. 

“We can do an ultrasound today? It’s just imaging of the uterus. I can take a look on the spot and see if it could be any other reason. But, you’re gaining weight at a healthy rate so we could just wait and see if you’d like.”

“Does it…hurt?” She asks, unsure how they would do that. 

“Not at all, it’s nice and warm though.” She gives her a light, humming laugh. “We would just put some gel right here,” She hovers over her hand over her uterus, “then I take my little ‘wand’ and press it to the spot we’re looking for, the gel helps it, and then we get a look at your uterus to see if there’s any common reasonings for missed or irregular periods.”

She thinks about the process, already stressed with her legs in the air for too long and the cold air hitting her uncomfortably. 

“Can we do that next time?” 

“Of course! I’ll take a quick look and then you’ll be on your way.” 

For the most part, she blacks out every time she has these appointments. She slows her breathing and closes her eyes to think about literally anything else and before she knows it, it’s over. 

*

“Okay. Everything looks good. Are you sexually active at the moment?” 

“No.” She shakes her head as she awkwardly covers herself with the robe once the stirrups are moved for her. 

“I think it’d be a great idea to take one of the sexual health development classes we offer. They’re free and it’s just a one time class with information that I think would be great for you. There are hybrid-only classes for specific information on non-human traits.” 

She’s never thought about learning these things in a class. She always thought it’d be a learning process when she found someone she was comfortable with but- maybe this would be better. Maybe she could try something new on her own and learn more about herself that no one has offered her yet. 

“Okay, that sounds nice.”

“Perfect, go ahead and get dressed and I’ll grab the pamphlet for you.” She gives her another warm smile before leaving.

-

“This sounds great.” Maria unashamedly looks over the pamphlet once they’re back home. “Oh no,” She suddenly looks stumped. 

“What?”

“It’s on the weekend, I won’t be able to take you.”

“Oh,” she immediately deflates, but her want to do this is too great. “I can get there on my own. I can walk.”

“It’s up at the hospital, that is too far of a walk, plus you’d have to walk on the side of the highway- that’s not legal or safe.” They both think, apparently coming to the same conclusion because they look at each other with a look that Y/N tries to dismiss before even hearing the reasoning for. 

“I don’t think h-”

“I can see if Namjoon would have an idea.”

“I’m not his responsibility, that doesn’t make any sense.”

“Well I know Richard wouldn’t be able to take you when it’s only him and one other guy at the shop on the weekends. We’ll talk to Namjoon tomorrow.” 

“Mar-”

“We’ll make it work.” 

If this is the parental experience she missed out on she can’t even be mad about it. She knows Maria won’t bend on this, especially after she finally has something like this she’d like to do. 

[thingschangelikemonkeypants]

Talking about gender identity for pride month.

6/23/24

Hey.

So, pride month is almost over and I haven't really done the thing yet where I sit down and analyze my identity as a queer person. Hell, I haven't done that since 2020, I've sort of been on autopilot since the pandemic. But today I went ahead and watched "I saw the tv glow" on my laptop as a little treat. Needless to say all the people on tiktok saying that it "absolutely wrecked" them were not exaggerating. Like, honestly, I got chills or whatever.

The first time I ever "came out" was when I was still in middle school (2014) in my family's old apartment. I told my mom that I liked girls, never really specifying if I was bi or a lesbian or anything. I had privately come out to my cousin and a couple close friends as bi, but it never felt right. It almost felt like saying that I liked guys alongside girls was justifying the queer aspect of my romantic attractions.

Eventually I decided not to lie about this part of me, so I told more people I was a lesbian, something my mother already assumed. And a few years later in 2020 (when i was 18) I told my dad I was gay, he took it well, and everything was okay. Except, it wasn't.

Over those fun years between 2014 and 2020, I had struggled so much with the person i saw in the mirror. I didn't know who I was no matter how hard I tried. I thought "who am I, like actually?". I shut out those thoughts with watching cartoons, drawing in my sketchbook, and blasting music on whatever pair of earbuds I could get my hands on. In my moments of weakness I tried to explain this to my mother, I would tell her I didn't like being a girl or "ugh, being a girl sucks" blah blah blah. None of it ever got through to her though, she just told me I was still figuring things out/that I was confused. Typical parent things to say, it isn't anything I'm bitter about, my mother was always supportive of the whole like girls thing. But she didn't know anything about all this gender stuff, and neither did I - I still don't.

Overall, I have been... unhappy. This lingering feeling of "something is... wrong, I just can't put my finger on it". It's awful not knowing, but I think deep down I always knew.

I don't feel like a girl, I don't feel like a guy - I feel like something different.

I learned about nonbinary people back in 2018, only I had the misfortune of learning about them through kalvin garrah, so I was convinced the gender identity was "cringe". Like what? It was a stupid thought.

After some time though, I really couldn't tell you exactly when and how, I started using they/them pronouns. At least, in my head and on my own. Some cousins used them for me, a friend as well but only sometimes. I put them on social media, my sister still isn't down with all that but that's OK. Even if none of my close friends or parents were okay with it I wouldn't really care, I'm tired of caring so much what other people think. I'm tired of caring about dumb shit like that, I want to care about me.

Happy pride month to all the other nonbinary people out there, I love you and I get you. I'm still so lost after hating myself for so long, so if you have any advice or experiences you want to share please do.

Thank you.

There is so much more that I want to say, but I'll leave it at this for now.

[lazyrezi]

Tj klune books ranked by me based on pure vibes, re-read potential, angst to humor ratio and MY OBJECTIVELY CORRECT OPINION:

Tales of Verania - LISTEN! LISTEN!!! These books are insane and I don't even know if I mean it in a good way tbh. The characters are all on crack. It's both corny (HAH if you know you know) and raunchy. YES the humour is a bit out there and sometimes the sex scenes/jokes are almost too much for my virgin eyes. Are these books "good"? You're asking the wrong question! They're fun and you WILL have fun reading them!!! It's very self-aware, tongue in cheek also sometimes a little too cheesy for my liking.

Oh, also, there are lesbian and emo dragons and magic and monologuing villains and a prophecy because OF COURSE THERE IS. These books will not change your life, but they will make you laugh and maybe cringe and feel. I am thinking about rereading it for the vibes. 10/10 would recommend BUT ONLY if you can get silly with it!!! No doom and gloom!!! (Okay, maybe a little doom and gloom....)

Green creek - ANGST. WEREWOLVES. GAY POSSESIVE WEREWOLVES. FOUND FAMILY

(weird age gap relationships I'm so sorry I hate it too and I hate how easy it would have been to just not do that but oh well)

MORE ANGST.

It's been a minute since I have read these books but oh boy they had me in a chokehold for MONTHS. Full disclaimer I have not read the last book AND STILL I am fully confident in recommending these books.

Ngl there is more weird shit in these books than I care to list. IT DOESN'T MATTER. If the tales of verania characters are on crack then these ones are living in a straight up soap opera. People leave. They hold grudges. THEY HAVE AMNESIA? They have enemies as well. Buildings blow up, people die ohymgod the melodrama never ends and. That is. SO FUN. albeit a different kind of fun but still. Fun times all around. I have finished reading these books and immediately reread them which should tell you everything you need to know. 10000/10

The extraordinaries - imagine you're watching a movie where a scene is coming up that just gives you THE WORST second hand embarrassment - now imagine it isn't a scene in a movie, it's three books and it's every page of all three books. Just sheer unadulterated second hand embarrassment.

Now if you look inside yourself you might find that your feelings are misplaced. The main guy isn't embarrassed and neither should you be! Life is all about falling on your ass and making an idiot out of yourself in the process and it's okay! It's okay. At least that's what I kept telling myself while reading these books.

No, but in all seriousness. These books are good fun. The greatest thing about tj klune is that he will take ANY theme and make it gay. We have gay superheroes. Gay werewolves. Gay magical beings. Gay ghosts! I as someone who regularly wonders why the media I am consuming isn't more gay, am a fan. I want him to do it all. Gay cowboys! Gay astronauts! GIMME IT.

These books I will not reread because I fear I might just die from the second hand embarrassment. It's so bad. But! It's also good! Educational fun. Wholesome love. Some minimal melodrama. 7/10

Oookay. Time for the stand alone books!

The house in the cerulean sea - okay don't hate me but this ain't my favourite. It's everyone else's tho! So I'm sure there is something to it. I think this is what you think of first when you hear tj klune - everyone knows this one, everyone loves it. It's like the popular kid in school. I, as a stubborn contrarian cannot abide this.

Still there is a lot going for this one. It takes you on a journey in a way a book should. And I personally love old gays being in big gay love so I can't complain.

But I will nonetheless.

So the thing about this book is that it's very innocent. And there isn't much angst just a minor misunderstanding that is pretty much quickly resolved. The big confrontation at the end is also quickly squashed by *checks notes* people talking to each other? I mean. It's nice! I would like it to work like that irl. In stories however.... I like a little more angst and anguish personally. There are also a lot of kid characters in this one which is FINE tj klune is actually pretty good at writing kids realistically (even special magical kids) but it's just not for me. I say that but I will be buying the sequel next month so jokes on me. The whole book was just a little too on the nose for my liking but it's still a very cosy read. Also someone pointed this out but WHY is this book so British? None of his other books are set in Britain and this one is set in a magical world so what's up with that?

Despite all my complaints I have reread this book twice. I don't know either. 8/10

In the lives of puppets - first tj klune book I have ever read and seeing as I have since then read everything written by this man I think you know this one is a good one. IT'S SO GOOD. It has everything!! Robots. Found family (families always find each other in tj klune stories). Asexual main guy. ROAD TRIP. Wholesome fun and existential crises for the price of one! 9/10 docked a point only because I don't think I'll be rereading it again. Also the romance was a bit weird BUT! It did grow on me. Like mould.

Under the whispering door - you would think this one would be an easy 10/10. Doomed love story (also gay 'cause of course it's gay), lessons about redeeming yourself, coffee shop and ghosts and and. Honestly it's been a minute since I've read this one. But what I remember is the ending.

Call me pessimistic but I don't think love should bring you back from the dead SORRY. IMMA SAY IT. Main guy should have stayed dead! Think like "the love was there, it didn't save anyone but it was there" vibes. Expect! Here it did save someone! Ridiculous concept! I buy ghost dogs but I WILL draw the line at being brought back from the dead. (The dog isn't brought back in case you're wondering). And it's such a shame because I really like the themes about death and redeeming yourself and it has such good potential! Unfortunately it suffers a serious case of not-working-for-me. Listen can I explain to you why this book didn't hit the same as the rest? Noo. All I know is that I read this book and immediately forgot about it. And unlike the house in the cerulean sea it looks like so did everyone else. Seriously tho. Anyone a big fan of this one? 6/10.

[eastwindmlk]

Okay, this one might have gone off the rails a little... But prompt 3: Gather taken very loosely (Words 774) - @wolfstarmicrofic

The black duffle bag sat on the edge of the bed. Remus’s side of the bed closest to the door. Remus was tearing through their closet. Pulling out everything that was his in a frenzy that Sirius had not seen before.

He’d come home moments earlier, barely taking a moment to step out of his shoes before he started to follow the sound. Leaning in the doorway, his broad shoulders fill the frame. Giving his fiancé a moment. Maybe he would explain what was happening to himself.

When that did not happen, the brunette cleared his throat and arched a brow. “Going somewhere?” He asked patiently, his head tilting questioningly. Cringing at the fiery look he received in return.

“Leaving.” Remus spat in his direction, venom dripping from his voice. It stung, but he was going to stay calm. He was going to do the wise thing and meet the angry storm with calm understanding. Fight fire with ice.

“Leaving where?” Sirius asked, hoping that talking him through it would appeal to Remus’s logical side. Make him see sense.

He watched Remus with cool eyes when he whipped around, a jumper clutched in his closed fist. His silver eyes barely gave it more than a flick before meeting Remus’s anger once more.

“Don’t know, don’t care. As long as it is away from your two-timing arse.” Remus growled in response, wringing the gold engagement band off his finger. Tossing it at Sirius’s feet, it rattled around for a moment before spinning to a stop on the floorboards.

It was nearly impossible not to react to that, to not be shocked or offended. But Sirius’s poker face held, as it always did. “Do please tell me how you’ve got to that conclusion, Sherlock.” Still looking unimpressed, his arms crossed tightly over his chest, shifting them uncomfortably.

Remus zipped up his bag, almost pulling the tab of the zip, and threw it over his shoulder. “You have been out at strange times and lying to me about where you have been.” He started, closing the distance between them and squaring up in front of him. Standing close enough that Sirius could feel the heat leaking through his shirt. But he refused to move.

“James called while you were supposedly with him.” He clarified, and Sirius chastised himself for making such a rookie mistake. “You have been smelling odd as well after these outings. I can smell someone else on you.” Damn, those werewolf senses. “If that wasn’t enough, you have been changing in the bathroom and ‘not in the mood’.” Remus accused, and there really was nothing he could say to him.

So he laughed. Sirius shook his head and laughed at the notion of him cheating. When he attempted to touch Remus's cheek, it startled him when it was slapped away. “Darling, you have to be joking.” He tried, his hand reaching once again and wincing when his wrist was caught in a tight grip.

“Do I look like I am having fun?” Remus spat in his direction, flinging his wrist back towards him. His tall frame leaned into him, pressuring him to move. But Sirius was determined to stand his ground.

“Take off my shirt.” He instructed, looking up calmly. Making it Remus’s turn to laugh. “If you want to know why all of that happened, Take off my shirt.” He repeated, watching the confusion take hold. “It was supposed to be a surprise, but Boffin Remus Lupin was on the case.” His tone was still light and teasing, as he watched his hands move down to the hem of his shirt.

Slowly, Remus lifted his shirt. Sirius winced a little as the plastic wrap shifted, and the fresh tattoo flared up for a moment. “His name is Jean-Paul. He is a tattoo apprentice, and he went to Bauxbatons. He specializes in enchanted ink.” His hand wrapped around Remus’s and carefully brought it down to the tender skin.

“It shifts with the phases of the moon. So, wherever I am, I will always know.” Watching Remus swallow, the anger faded from his posture. “It is beautiful.” He mumbled, drawing his fingers away. “I guess I was being a little dramatic,” Remus admitted, looking at his bag. “Maybe next time I should spend more time gathering information and less jumping to conclusions.”

Sirius just smiled a little wryly and guided him back into the room, making Remus sit down on the bed while he picked up the ring. He got down on one knee to slip the ring back onto his finger, both of his hands clutching onto his.

“We need to talk.”

[ladylooch]

Mack and David are the best aunty/uncle duo! All the patience in the world for their neices cause I mean at the end they can always give them back aha

Imagine a cousins sleepover with them all at Auntie Mack's with movies, snacks and cuddles

“Hi honey!” David cheers as Mack opens the passenger side door of his SUV. “Chillier than you left, eh?”

“Yeah.” Mack says as she jumps in, teeth chattering. She did not bring a jacket with her to Panama and is dressed a little too lightly for the chilly, East coast weather. David reaches a hand across to her thigh. He flicks his blinker on then rubs at her thigh fast to generate heat. Mack leans across the center console to smooch his cheek. 

“Hey, no, come here. A real one, please?” He pouts. Mack kisses his lips hard. His tongue rolls along her bottom lip then threads through her teeth to tangle with hers. “Mmm, better.” He says, then pulls out into the traffic line exiting the airport. Mack stays leaning on the console. She runs a hand across David’s broad shoulders.

“I missed you.” She tells him, stroking his neck by his ear with her thumb. 

“Missed you too, baby.” He looks over briefly, throwing her a smile. “Did you have fun?”

“Tons. I’ve never been!” 

“Really?”

“No, I was supposed to go, but then got put on a different assignment a few months ago. When I went to Toronto.”

“Oh just as fun.” David chuckles. 

“I like Canada.” Mack shrugs. She moves her hand to his thigh. David brings his hand to hers, lacing their fingers together. “I am sooooo tired. I can’t wait to go to sleep.”

“Oh, really?” David cringes.

“Why, did you have something planned?”

“Well, yes and no. We don’t have plans but Con and Luc do. We are watching the girls at our place.”

“Oh….” Mack blows air out from her lips. 

“Sorry, baby. I thought it would be okay.”

“No, it is okay. I love the girls. Do we have snacks for them?”

“Already took care of it. Plus the fort is ready in the living room and Stella’s sleeping bag is rolled out under it. Winnie’s pack and play is set up. Moana is ready, just gotta press play. It’s little princess heaven.”

“They won’t want to go home.”

“Probably not, but we will make them…. I need a lot of you tonight.” He grins. Mack bites her lip, feeling a delightful shiver roll down her spine. She loves coming home to him.

Mack and David have ten minutes to settle into being home before a pretty, pretty princess barrels through the front door. 

“I’m here!” Stella announces, running by her aunt to David. He picks her up, tossing her onto his hip as she hugs him tight. “Hi Davey.”

“Hi Stelly. You brought your sister? I thought we were leaving her at home?”

“Mama said no.” Stella sighs.

“Huh. Well, we will allow it then.”

“Thanks for watching the girls for us. We really appreciate it.” Lucie smiles, handing Winnie over to Mack. “She needs to eat. I have her bottles in the cooler for you. She probably will only eat once then crash. She is tired… and a smidge cranky. Yeah, you are. You get that from your auntie!”

“I am tired.” Mack whines at her sister.

“Yeah, you have that look. We won’t be long.” Lucie shrugs. “Just need a quiet, adult dinner.” 

“Don’t hurry, Luc. We got it. Mack can sneak off to bed whenever she wants.” David winks as he sets Stella back on the ground so she can crawl into the fort David built for her. 

“Davey! Come in here with me!”

“All night long, man.” Connor shakes his head. “Good luck. You ready, baby?” Connor slides his hand down his wife’s arm to lace their fingers together. They leave after quick goodbyes and blowing kisses to their girls.

While Mack works on heating Winnie’s bottle up, David hangs with Stella in the blanket fort. Mack chuckles at the non-stop chattering coming from her niece. Stella has so much to say and so many rules for the princess fort. 

“No boys allowed too!” Stella concludes.

“Stelly, I’m a boy.”

“Oh…. Um…. Okay well you can come in.” 

“What about your dad?”

“No.” 

“Yeah, he smells.” David jokes. Mack tisks, chuckling as she works her way to the couch to feed Winnie.

“Stell, are you hungry?”

“No!” She yells. Mack rolls her eyes.

“Okay, well you have 30 minutes to play. Then you are eating dinner.”

“Can we order pizza?”

“Sure.” Mack says around a yawn.

“I’ll do that, babe.” David calls to Mack before she can even pull her phone out. 

“Thank you.” She murmurs, then settles into the cushions with Winnie resting in the crook of her arm. Winnie grips Mack’s fingers where she holds the bottle for her. Her little eyes begin to close almost immediately, but she continues to eat as long as she can. 

When the pizza arrives, David and Stella go into the kitchen to get everyone a few pieces. David cuts Stella’s up even as she insists she is a big girl and doesn’t need it.

“Are there peanuts on there?” Stella asks from her tip toes next to David.

“No.” He laughs. “Peanuts on pizza? You’re nuts.”

“Okay good. I’m ‘lergic.” 

“I know, sweetheart.” He pats her head. “Okay, if you eat every bite on this plate, we can eat in the fort.”

“Okay! Yes! I will!” Stella insists. Her and David crawl back into the fort together after handing Mack a plate for herself. Mack eats a few bites, but feels too tired to continue on more than that. She nestles Winnie into her chest more, then the two of them fall asleep, curled up together on the couch. David pops his head out of the fort, smiling at the two girls asleep. 

“I’ll be right back.” He tells Stella. Then he stands, picking Winnie up and bringing her into their bedroom where he set up the pack and play for her. He leaves Mack on the couch, but puts a blanket over her curled up body.

Stella is the next to fall asleep, in the fort on Davey’s chest about five minutes after he starts the movie. All the sugary snacks he got are untouched and instead he is left with three sleeping girls in the apartment with him. He watches Moana for a bit, until a knock sounds at the door. Connor comes in to collect Stella, pulling her out of the fort and holding her tight to his chest. Lucie does the same with Winnie.

“How were they?”

“Good. Really quiet night.” 

“Great.” Lucie smiles. “We will go so you can take care of your girl.” She nods to where Mack is snoring on the couch.

“I might just leave her there. Kinda like the bed to myself…” David is completely kidding. He misses her whenever they aren’t in the same bed.

“No you won’t.” Connor chuckles. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight. Drive safe.” David calls, then shuts the door behind the family of four. 

He turns his attention back to the couch, walking to where his girlfriend is. A little bit of drool drips from her a corner of her mouth. He smiles. She is perfect, even when she isn’t. He runs his hands under her back and knees, lifting her into his arms. She startles awake, but Davey’s reassuring “it’s me” has her resting into his chest.

“I’m sorry. I’m so tired.”

“You need the sleep, honey.” Davey encourages. He lays her down in bed, then tucks her into the comforter. He kisses her cheek. “You need anything?”

“You.” She holds his shirt in her fist. 

“I wanna take a shower quick. Then I’ll be in okay?” Mack nods, releasing her grip on him.

They both know Mack will be asleep before he is out.